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One of the toughest things about adoption travel when you already have a family is deciding who gets to go. John and I were talking about our trip the other day, wishing we didn’t have to leave the bigger kids at home. We have tons of willing relatives who all live nearby, and the kids will be well taken care of. But still it is hard to leave them — so hard, in fact, that the last time John and I were gone overnight without the kids was in 1998. For our adoptions since then, John stayed home and I traveled with a teenager.
We’ve been planning to bring our two year old with us this time around, since I don’t think it would be good for her to be away from me for a week. When we were talking the other day I off-handedly said I wished our 5-year-old Ethiopian daughter could go. John and I both looked at each other, and realized we were both thinking the same thing: why not?
The main ‘not’ reason in our mind turned out to be the $1800 her plane ticket would cost. But the irony of forking over $23,000 for an adoption is that for better or worse it makes another $1800 not seem like much. The more we thought about it, the more we ended up feeling like the advantage of her going outweighed the extra money we’ll have to come up with somehow.
If we took her along, the youngest kids left home would then be 9 year olds. Our other four are 19, 17, 15, and 13. Of course they’ll miss us and we’ll miss them. But they’re old enough to be not quite as needy as a preschooler. And if the five year old was with John and me, that would make the job at home that much easier for everyone. We already know she’s a good traveler; I took her at age 3 and she did great. She already has a passport and all the shots she’ll need. She’d also get a jump start on a relationship with her new big sisters.
After thoroughly hashing over all the angles of it, we’ve decided to take her along. We’re really excited she’ll get to see Ethiopia again, this time at an age when she is more likely to have memories of the experience.
Things to consider when making travel decisions for your family
-Do you have good child care options at home while you travel?
-Is your child mature enough to be happy without you for 5-10 days?
-How important is it to you that both parents be able to travel?
-Will the cost of additional airfare(s) be prohibitive?
-Is your child flexible enough to be a good traveler?
In many cases there is no ‘perfect’ option, but most families can come up with several reasonable alternatives. In the end you have to go with your instinct and make the best decision you can.
Additional Links
Should you go pick up your child?
Selecting a good travel companion
What about the children who stay home?
We received our court date of July 5. Were hoping to bring our 14 year old daughter with us but we may not be able to because we will not yet have her passport. We will see how everything turns out. If all goes well with the court we could be traveling as early as July 23. We are so excited.
Referral of Juliana on May 29.