When you build your family via traditional means, chances are good that your children will come one at a time, and (of course) be newborn on arrival. As far as the sex of your baby, you get what you get.
However, when you adopt, the possibilities go on and on. Should you adopt a newborn? A 6 month old? A toddler? A school aged child? Girl? Boy? Or how about a sibling group? Girls? Boys? One of each? How old should the older child be? The younger?
My husband and I had a meal out on Friday during which most of our conversation revolved around these issues. What do we want our family to look like in a year or two? What do we feel capable of handling? Should we add one at a time, or look for siblings?
Conversation like this seems brash in a way. Presumptuous. We as adoptive parents get to engineer our families in a way that other parents cannot.
And yet in another way our very future resides in the hands of others. How long we will wait to hold our children in our arms. Who will come into our family. How healthy and well nourished and intelligent they will be. How well loved they will have been before they came. None of that is under our control.
So we sit over our pasta hashing out the bit we think we can control.
Oddly enough, in our conversation on Friday my husband and I decided not to control very much at all. We think that when we begin the process later this year, we’d like to request a sibling group of two, age seven or younger, of either sex. We would like one of them to be an infant. But other than that, we’ve decided to be open. Breathtakingly open, for us.
Will we get boys? Girls? One of each? A two month old and a two year old? Twins? A 12 month old and a 7 year old? Already these misty children are beginning to take form, lurking in the corners of my heart, beginning to tug at me. When will our baby be born? What is the older child doing right now? Is someone loving on him (her?)
I find myself filled with a swirling mix of curiosity and excitement and anxiety and longing. Who will be our children? When will we hold them?
May God bless them and keep them till they come to us.
Oh, it’s SO good to know that others have these conversations . . . and at the same time find it all sort of bizarre. I can’t tell you how many times, in the midst of one of these conversations, hubby and I just sort of had to stop and ask ourselves if this is for real – do we really get to choose? And how on earth did we get to the point of picking which special needs we can handle and which ones we can’t.
But I am excited to hear about the decisions you did make – fun stuff!
Blessings!
So exciting!! I can’t wait to follow this next journey of yours.
God know who they will be already. How amazing is that?! Blessings on your new adventure. Thanks for taking us along.
sooo excited to hear your news!
We had so much fun getting our house ready for our little ones & imagining how they would enjoy it & how it would become their home…amazing!!
(when I got the referral, I was canning pears from our tree & thinking about them eating the pears later that year)
~Sonya
Wow, reading that gave me goose bumps…someone really has the same feelings that I do. For a second, I thought I was a little crazy. If I am, it’s good to know that someone else is too!
I am just getting ready to get that ball rolling in the adoption process and I find myself already wondering if my child/children are ok. I guess it’s just a natural motherly instinct and a love for mankind!
God bless,
Chris
I am so excited for your family, Mary! I look forward to following your journey!
Congratulations, Mary. This is wonderful news!
i don’t really know you all that well, i kinda lurk and each time i see your girls my heart skips a beat. but, reading this is like discovering that heth from the laundry pile, a great friend, is pregnant. how exciting and what a blessing!! you are incredible!
i don’t really know you all that well, i kinda lurk and each time i see your girls my heart skips a beat. but, reading this is like discovering that heth from the laundry pile, a great friend, is pregnant. how exciting and what a blessing!! you are incredible!