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1. If you’re asked to write a reference letter for the homestudy, do it promptly. It will mean a lot to the family to know their adoption is a high priority for you too.
2. Especially if the wait drags on a long time, don’t constantly ask if they’ve heard any news. Some moms adore giving you the blow by blow during the wait. But many moms find the wait difficult, and get tired of saying, “No, we still don’t know when he/she is coming home.” Ask instead how the nursery is coming along, or invite her out to lunch.
3. Don’t ask the parents to share all the details of their child’s past. Unless they choose to share it, assume this is private information for the family alone.
4. Do throw them a baby shower and/or bring baby gifts before the child comes home. Honor the adoptive mom with your faith that this will happen for her.
5.Do arrange with friends to bring meals for a week or two after the new child comes home. An adopted child deserves all the normal new-baby hoopla, after all.
6. Do allow the family a couple weeks to settle in together at home. Wait awhile before planning big welcome parties.
7. Don’t expect to hold the new child much at first. Even if you’re the grandparent, it’s a good idea to let the child get used to mom and dad before branching out to extended family and friends.
8. Do offer to take other children in the family for fun outings now and then. They will enjoy the extra attention in the midst of adjusting to a new sibling.
9. Do offer to run errands for the family in the first weeks after homecoming: take siblings to sports practices, get groceries, or run to the dry cleaners. Anything you can do to free up mom’s time will help with bonding in those first weeks.
10. Do notice signs that the child is beginning to bond with his/her new family. A mom will treasure an honest heart-felt comment such as, “Wow, look how your baby looks at you! You can tell he is really starting to fall in love with you!”
This is one of my top ten lists. You have done a wonderful job.
I love number 3. Often people always want the “negative news.”
I would rather bask in the good news that a new family is born and
all the happiness that will come along the way.
I love this blog!
Hugs,
Sharlene
This is a great list. Some things I had not thought of.