One of the more challenging decisions of parenthood is the question of spacing. How close is too close? Is a four year old ready to be an older sibling? What about a two year old?

The added issues of adoptive parenting can make this decision even more challenging. A two year old who's been in your family since young infancy may be less needy than a two year old who came to you at 18 months. Certainly it is wise to help the youngest become as securely attached as possible before bringing another child home. But just how long does it take to settle a child in securely?

Another issue is parental age. Many parents are already in their late 30's and/or 40's when they decide to adopt. Parents at the older end of that spectrum may feel that they need to move forward with the next adoption quickly, both to avoid 'aging out' of a country, and to be able to give their children healthy/vital parents for as long as possible.

Our kids between 16 months and four years. The furthest spacing was between our last bio child and our first adopted child. This was a really nice distance apart, in that the previous youngest child had a fair bit of maturity and understood when mom needed to be occupied with the new baby.

Our closest spacing, age-wise is our two boys who are 2-1/2 months apart. But the second of that pair didn't arrive home until the first was nearly two, which was nice, because the first of the two was well settled in when the second arrived. I've written about my experience with two being so close in age. It was a very challenging time for our family.

Our Ethiopian daughters arrived home about 16 months apart. That was a much less stressful experience, because the older of the two was already three yers old when the younger arrived home. The difference in maturity levels between her and my son who was 23 months at big-brotherhood was dramatic.

However, personality is probably just as important a factor as age. Kids are different. Some kids are easy to please, predictable, and adjust to change gracefully. Others have intense, slow-to-change, or needy personalities that may benefit from more time as the youngest child.

So many factors come into play that it is impossible to make blanket statements about the 'best' way to add children. When you get to that point, you just have to take an honest look at yourself and at your children, and make the decision that feels the most right for your family.

No matter how carefully my husband and I think through the decision to add to our family again, once we are waiting we always feel twinges in our hearts for the soon-to-be-displaced 'baby', no matter how old that child is. At that point I always have to remind myself that the vast majority of people in the world have survived the transition to big-brother or big-sisterhood just fine. I have seven younger siblings myself. I'm sure there were moments in childhood when I saw the younger ones as usurpers. These days, however, I simply call them friends.