Comments on: The Grocery Store Gauntlet http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/the-grocery-store-gauntlet Ethiopia adoption news, information and firsthand accounts by those who have been there. Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:04:36 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Deb Donatti http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/the-grocery-store-gauntlet/comment-page-1#comment-329 Deb Donatti Sat, 06 Jan 2007 15:42:08 +0000 http://ethiopia-ado.www.adoptionblogs.com/2006/03/08/the-grocery-store-gauntlet#comment-329 This was a great post!<br /> My daughters, biologically unrelated get this "oh they look like sisters!" all the time. I resond, "Well, they ARE." I think the only similarity is that they are caucasian, perhaps not so obviously adopted, and our son is black. I always follow up with, "And my son looks just like me at that age!"<br /> Usually shuts em right up.<br /> This was a great post!
My daughters, biologically unrelated get this “oh they look like sisters!” all the time. I resond, “Well, they ARE.” I think the only similarity is that they are caucasian, perhaps not so obviously adopted, and our son is black. I always follow up with, “And my son looks just like me at that age!”
Usually shuts em right up.

]]> By: shawnda http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/the-grocery-store-gauntlet/comment-page-1#comment-328 shawnda Sat, 11 Mar 2006 21:39:33 +0000 http://ethiopia-ado.www.adoptionblogs.com/2006/03/08/the-grocery-store-gauntlet#comment-328 Ahhhh! Thanks for writing on this....it's SO good!!!! The latest comment I got...that I just blogged on was "ahhh...I keep forgetting they aren't really yours"! <br /> <br /> Wow! Kind of goes with the "are they brothers?"!!! Ya know?! <br /> <br /> Praise the Lord that He doesn't see our adoption in Him so loosely!!!! Ahhhh! Thanks for writing on this….it’s SO good!!!! The latest comment I got…that I just blogged on was “ahhh…I keep forgetting they aren’t really yours”!

Wow! Kind of goes with the “are they brothers?”!!! Ya know?!

Praise the Lord that He doesn’t see our adoption in Him so loosely!!!!

]]> By: kimberj71 http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/the-grocery-store-gauntlet/comment-page-1#comment-327 kimberj71 Fri, 10 Mar 2006 22:59:20 +0000 http://ethiopia-ado.www.adoptionblogs.com/2006/03/08/the-grocery-store-gauntlet#comment-327 This is one piece of adopting transculturally that I had not really expected....the grocery store stares, questions, and comments. We are white and have 3 biochildren and 2 children who were born in Guatemala.<br /> <br /> Many of the comments are "all they all yours?" Many more though are "are they twins (referring to our two youngest who are 6 weeks apart in age)?" I always say, "No, they are six weeks apart in age" that should be a clue to the answer of the next question we ALWAYS get "oh, are they REAL brother and sister?" my response is "Yes they are." Sometimes I add "They are not biologically related" if I feel the question is coming from a good place.<br /> <br /> However, I'm now rethinking that response because the other day my 6 year old daughter was talking to my 4 year old son about their 2 year old siblings and she said "L and J are not biological." eeek!!! So we had yet another discussion on birthfamilies and forever families and what "biological" means! <br /> <br /> Kim This is one piece of adopting transculturally that I had not really expected….the grocery store stares, questions, and comments. We are white and have 3 biochildren and 2 children who were born in Guatemala.

Many of the comments are “all they all yours?” Many more though are “are they twins (referring to our two youngest who are 6 weeks apart in age)?” I always say, “No, they are six weeks apart in age” that should be a clue to the answer of the next question we ALWAYS get “oh, are they REAL brother and sister?” my response is “Yes they are.” Sometimes I add “They are not biologically related” if I feel the question is coming from a good place.

However, I’m now rethinking that response because the other day my 6 year old daughter was talking to my 4 year old son about their 2 year old siblings and she said “L and J are not biological.” eeek!!! So we had yet another discussion on birthfamilies and forever families and what “biological” means!

Kim

]]> By: Enat http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/the-grocery-store-gauntlet/comment-page-1#comment-326 Enat Thu, 09 Mar 2006 15:55:04 +0000 http://ethiopia-ado.www.adoptionblogs.com/2006/03/08/the-grocery-store-gauntlet#comment-326 Q: "Do you think he'll feel like you love him less than your real child?"<br /> <br /> A: [jaw drops to the floor]<br /> <br /> Answer I should have given: "Why would I love one of my real childen less than the other?" Q: “Do you think he’ll feel like you love him less than your real child?”

A: [jaw drops to the floor]

Answer I should have given: “Why would I love one of my real childen less than the other?”

]]> By: Beth http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/the-grocery-store-gauntlet/comment-page-1#comment-325 Beth Thu, 09 Mar 2006 14:34:12 +0000 http://ethiopia-ado.www.adoptionblogs.com/2006/03/08/the-grocery-store-gauntlet#comment-325 "in the future, Owlhaven I'll be taking a cue from you, when I adopt. I will answer the question 'which one's are yours?' with 'all of them'."<br /> <br /> <br /> I think if you shut people down when they ask you questions, you miss an opportunity to educate people on adoption. *shrug* “in the future, Owlhaven I’ll be taking a cue from you, when I adopt. I will answer the question ‘which one’s are yours?’ with ‘all of them’.”

I think if you shut people down when they ask you questions, you miss an opportunity to educate people on adoption. *shrug*

]]> By: moe http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/the-grocery-store-gauntlet/comment-page-1#comment-324 moe Thu, 09 Mar 2006 12:46:08 +0000 http://ethiopia-ado.www.adoptionblogs.com/2006/03/08/the-grocery-store-gauntlet#comment-324 I have brown hair and brown eyes. My daughter (who I had when I was 19) People assumed I was the babysitter. Most times I just ignore people's comments. It is really annoying when you give an obviously flippant, impersonal answer and they persist. If there is a reason for their question. They should talk more about themselves and then compliment you by asking your advice. I posted my thoughts about big families on my site I have brown hair and brown eyes. My daughter (who I had when I was 19) People assumed I was the babysitter. Most times I just ignore people’s comments. It is really annoying when you give an obviously flippant, impersonal answer and they persist. If there is a reason for their question. They should talk more about themselves and then compliment you by asking your advice. I posted my thoughts about big families on my site

]]> By: Jenny M http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/the-grocery-store-gauntlet/comment-page-1#comment-323 Jenny M Thu, 09 Mar 2006 06:02:52 +0000 http://ethiopia-ado.www.adoptionblogs.com/2006/03/08/the-grocery-store-gauntlet#comment-323 I'm appaled at what some people feel free to say to each other. I have brown hair and brown eyes and my daughter (biological) has blond curls and blue eyes. I've been asked at the grocery what color eyes the mailman has. !?!<br /> <br /> in the future, Owlhaven I'll be taking a cue from you, when I adopt. I will answer the question "which one's are yours?" with "all of them". I’m appaled at what some people feel free to say to each other. I have brown hair and brown eyes and my daughter (biological) has blond curls and blue eyes. I’ve been asked at the grocery what color eyes the mailman has. !?!

in the future, Owlhaven I’ll be taking a cue from you, when I adopt. I will answer the question “which one’s are yours?” with “all of them”.

]]> By: Beth http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/the-grocery-store-gauntlet/comment-page-1#comment-322 Beth Thu, 09 Mar 2006 02:18:26 +0000 http://ethiopia-ado.www.adoptionblogs.com/2006/03/08/the-grocery-store-gauntlet#comment-322 I admire you (and envy you a little, to be honest) for following your heart and adopting children, and doing such a great job with ALL your children. Appropriateness aside, I think maybe people who ask whether your two adopted boys are "real" brothers are just not sophisticated or smart enough to think of saying "biological" instead of "real." I would be curious about this sort of thing if I happened to chat with you at the store, not because I need to know about your family in particular, but because I've often thought that if/when I adopt kids (I really do want to give my son some siblings and I think adoption will be the best way to do that once I'm financially able to do this), I'd like to adopt a sibling set if at all possible. The way I see it, I think the "Are they 'real' brothers?" questions is a natural segue into discussing the availability and feasibility of adopting sibling sets, etc. That's probably not casual grocery store conversation, but I can easily imagine that such a question comes from a better place than you may realize. :) I admire you (and envy you a little, to be honest) for following your heart and adopting children, and doing such a great job with ALL your children. Appropriateness aside, I think maybe people who ask whether your two adopted boys are “real” brothers are just not sophisticated or smart enough to think of saying “biological” instead of “real.” I would be curious about this sort of thing if I happened to chat with you at the store, not because I need to know about your family in particular, but because I’ve often thought that if/when I adopt kids (I really do want to give my son some siblings and I think adoption will be the best way to do that once I’m financially able to do this), I’d like to adopt a sibling set if at all possible. The way I see it, I think the “Are they ‘real’ brothers?” questions is a natural segue into discussing the availability and feasibility of adopting sibling sets, etc. That’s probably not casual grocery store conversation, but I can easily imagine that such a question comes from a better place than you may realize. :)

]]> By: Jeannelle http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/the-grocery-store-gauntlet/comment-page-1#comment-321 Jeannelle Thu, 09 Mar 2006 00:03:49 +0000 http://ethiopia-ado.www.adoptionblogs.com/2006/03/08/the-grocery-store-gauntlet#comment-321 I am really impressed by your post. My husband and I are just getting started looking at agencies to adopt an African child. It is overwhelming! I hope to be a mom just like you someday. I am really impressed by your post. My husband and I are just getting started looking at agencies to adopt an African child. It is overwhelming! I hope to be a mom just like you someday.

]]> By: Perri http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/the-grocery-store-gauntlet/comment-page-1#comment-320 Perri Wed, 08 Mar 2006 23:56:03 +0000 http://ethiopia-ado.www.adoptionblogs.com/2006/03/08/the-grocery-store-gauntlet#comment-320 I like the "Are any of them brothers and sisters?"<br /> I just say <br /> "yes, that's what adoption is."<br /> <br /> Or - "do any of them have the same father?" Well, duh, yes - my husband.<br /> <br /> but once I was feeling particularly snippy, after being stared at rudely till the old woman finally comments on how many kids I have, I say, "yes, I have 6 kids by 5 different men. It's exhausting." And I walked away. I like the “Are any of them brothers and sisters?”
I just say
“yes, that’s what adoption is.”

Or – “do any of them have the same father?” Well, duh, yes – my husband.

but once I was feeling particularly snippy, after being stared at rudely till the old woman finally comments on how many kids I have, I say, “yes, I have 6 kids by 5 different men. It’s exhausting.” And I walked away.

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