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I think every parent waiting for a child to arrive has moments when they wonder if they are truly up to the task of bringing a new child into the family. Will the child settle in well? Will you get to sleep all night ever again? How will you keep up with the things that need to be done, when chances are you feel like you are barely keeping up with them now?
In the process of bringing home ten children, four via birth and six via adoption, here are some of my best tips for simplifying those first few months of adjustment time after your child comes home.
1. Lower your standards, at least when it comes to housekeeping. Decide on which top 3 tasks you will try to keep up with, and let the rest go for awhile. I personally need to get the kitchen completely clean once a day. I need to get some laundry done each day. And I need to get the living room clean and vacuuumed once a day.
If those three things are taken care of, all is well in my world. Bedmaking can go. Dusting can be ignored. Even (shhh) bathroom-cleaning can be neglected, at least for a week or two at a time anyway. Sure, there are times when the clutter on my bathroom counter gets to me, or when I wish that the linen closet didn’t look like a towel volcano erupted. But helping a new child settle in is a much higher priority in my life, especially in the child’s first months home.
2. Keep your kitchen stocked at all times with the ingredients for your family’s five favorite meals. Think quick and easy. Variety is an accepted part of American life, but it is not essential to happiness. Millions of people around the world eat the same meals, day in and day out, and are grateful to have them. And let’s face it, some days a quick meal of fish sticks and tater tots on paper plates is a huge sanity saver.
3. Make yourself go to bed at a decent hour at night. In the midst of the stress of early adjustment, it can be really tempting to stay up late to enjoy the quiet hours after your child is asleep. A little of that is fine. But remember that adequate sleep is a huge help to your mental health, probably even more so than staying up late to watch reruns of ‘Seinfeld’ or ‘Scrubs’ — yes, even if you are using the time to fold laundry.
Be easy on your expectations for yourself and your family. Remember, taking good care of yourself is a huge part of keeping your stamina for taking care of your child.
This is the best advice that I had never even thought about! Wow do I have a lot to learn!
Great advice!! Thanks so much.
Reminds me of what my mom said when about when we were babies — she felt that she had to keep the floor very clean, as we were crawling around and things, but other housekeeping standards relaxed a bit.
Good advice to keep in mind.
Great advice! Keep it coming – I need all the simple, practical how-to stuff I can get.
Forgive me for chiming in here, but had another big one that helped us a lot. If your family winds up having a longer than expected adjustment time.
A lot of nice chain type restaurants offer curb side pick up. You can call in, order, then they will bring your meal out all ready to go, you pay at the curb. Never have to exit your car. Especially nice if you have little ones. Because after awhile, as an adult, you might begin to feel malnourished on fishsticks and tater tots. The kids seem to do fine with them tho!
Families in more rural areas might not have this option, but it can be a life saver for us urbanites. The other thing we found was Costco. They have a lot of high quality meals ready to go, and good frozen products too.