Reframing

Here is a picture of the tulips in my front flowerbed this week. I came at the flowerbed sideways to avoid showcasing the weeds that are also there. I also think in choosing that angle, I ended up with a depth that is more interesting than if I’d photographed the bed straight-on.

Looking at this photo got me thinking about the way we as parents can help our kids “reframe” and change their viewpoint on things that happen in their lives. Sometimes just a little mind set change can mean a big difference in their happiness.

For example, last weekend my son tripped and broke his arm. Again. The second broken bone in 9 months. He was heart-broken. It was just before Easter. We would be going to church, AND seeing both sides of the family, and he was in tears just thinking of the self-consciousness of fielding dozens of questions, having to explain over and over how it had happened.

I briefly thought of calling every relative and explaining the story, just to save him the frustration of having to answer all the well-meaning (but to him, prying) questions. But I just didn’t feel good about buffering him in such an interfering kind of way. I wanted to encourage him to have the gumption to withstand the hassle, not totally shield him from it.

So I thought a little longer and came up with a plan. I told him that since he was sure to get a bunch of questions and I knew they were a pain in the neck, I’d pay him a dime a question. At my offer, a grin spread across his face, and he immediately began imagining how rich he was going to get.

The offer of that little bit of money totally changed his viewpoint about the inevitable questions. It totally lifted his mood about the upcoming day. On Sunday, when someone would ask how he hurt his arm, he’d shoot me a conspiratorial grin, and cheerfully tell his story once more.

Cost of my plan at the end of the day: $1.50
Cost at the end of the week $2.10
Changed viewpoint: Priceless.

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