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If you think racism no longer exists in our society, you may want to read this article on Yahoo News: Black men quietly combating stereotypes.
It seems that black men still scare a lot of people these days. Black boys are more likely to be expelled from school. They are more often seen as trouble-makers. They are more likely to be stopped by police officers.
Every day, African-American men consciously work to offset stereotypes about them — that they are dangerous, aggressive, angry. Some smile a lot, dress conservatively and speak with deference: “Yes, sir,” or “No, ma’am.” They are mindful of their bodies, careful not to dart into closing elevators or stand too close in grocery stores.
Black families teach their sons coping skills, skills that may save their life at a routine traffic stop with a jumpy cop. They teach their sons let the white person move first, then respond. They teach them to speak extremely respectfully. They teach their sons how to act in school to get the best possible grades.
It doesn’t end when they reach adulthood. Tall black men often try to minimize the visual impact that they make. One man reported:
“I have a very keen sense of my size and how I communicate,” says Borders of Mason, Ohio. “I end up putting my hands in my pockets or behind me. I stand with my feet closer together. With my feet spread out, it looks like I’m taking a stance. And I use a softer voice.”
As much as we would like the world to treat our sons differently, I think that white parents would be wise to be aware of the stereotypes out there. We need to prepare our sons for what they will face, much the way African American families do with their sons.
Some African Americans comment that Black children adopted into white families often do not appear respectful enough when out in public. They unconsciously adopt an attitude of ‘white privilege’. They assume someone in authority will give them the benefit of the doubt, when unfortunately that may not be the case.
I fervently hope that some day this bias will not be present in our society. But we need to equip our boys for what is reality, not what we wish were reality.
I personally think that ALL children should be taught to respect authority. This is doubly crucial when raising a Black son. That ability to be respectful and to look respectable may someday be a matter of life and death.
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My question for you is a tough one: how do we prepare our sons for what they may face without embittering them or making them feel hopeless?
Excellent post. I don’t think we can avoid our sons feeling bitter and angry. I don’t even know that those feelings are a bad thing, if managed effectively. And in this day and age of opportunity, despite the reality, I don’t think they have a right to feel hopeless. Or maybe, I should say i don’t think they have a right to surrender to hopelessness. Their ancestors who lived a far more brutal existence did not surrender. They clung to hope when they had nothing left but hope itself. Our sons had damn well better learn to do the same, if they are to become the survivors that their forefathers were.
Great post, I worry about our sons growing older and struggling with these things. Right now we are doing our best to learn about these issues and educate ourselves. We also hope to eventually live in an area with more African Americans (it would not take much).
I know we can’t protect our kids from everything, but I also refuse to stand back and not do anything. I think part of the solution is raising our kids to find their core identity and self-worth in the fact that they are made in God’s image, loved by God, and that He loves who they are. Once that foundation is set, I think we as white parents raising black children need to be sensitive and receptive to the issues they face, validate them, and be honest. But at the same time stressing that we have choices in how we face adversity. Those are just some of my preliminary, scattered thoughts.