Preschoolers and Adjustment

This week I will be sharing stories from various families who were kind enough to share what their three to six year old’s adjustment into the family was like. Some stories are brief. Others will take several posts to share. But all are helpful in giving you an idea what it is like to bring home a child past the age of two.

First up is Sharon, mother of eight adopted children, all of whom came home in the three to six year old age range. I’ve linked you to her blog http://www.heartsofhopeadoption.blogspot.com/
in the past, because she has a nice balanced outlook on life.

Here is what she has to say.

All 8 of our children came to us in this age range. The most difficult child was (and still is) the 3 year old from China. She was more like an 18 month old and required an enormous amount of my time. Perhaps, too, since she was our first adopted child, it seemed like she was harder than the rest.

All of our children were and remain very needy. Most days feel like I have a house full of toddlers, who love to fight over some junky Happy Meal toy or pout because I put less toothpaste on their toothbrush than one of their siblings.

Of the 5 Ethiopian children, the girls have had a tougher time adjusting than the boys. Our daughter, now 6, still grieves for her mother. All of the children still wet the bed.

After a pretty long night, I was reminded that preschoolers don’t always sleep through the night. Two of our younger ones, ages 3 and 4, require nightly diaper changes and bedding changes. So, if folks think that by adopting a preschooler, they can avoid those sleepless nights, they are sadly mistaken!

The girls are bossy and can be demanding, often ordering me around like I am their servant. I always laugh at that one!! Once of them urinates in the closet on a regular basis. The girls pout quite often and all of them are always saying “It’s not fair.” I suppose life in Ethiopia was MUCH more fair than life in the U.S.! J

Really, I don’t find them much different than my biological children were at that age. They came to us with personalities already developed. We just accept them for who they are and love them despite their quirks. I am sure they think we are pretty quirky too!

I appreciate Sharon sharing from her vast experience. Keep in mind that your mileage may vary. Kids are unique, and so are their reactions to the upheaval brought on by being adopted. If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you’ve probably figured out that I am an optimist at heart.

However, when awaiting a new child adopted past infancy, I think it is wise for parents to take off the rose-colored glasses. If your child adapts seamlessly, be thankful. But if the road is rocky for awhile, remember that many, many other folks have experienced the same issues, and come out on the other side okay.

Additional reading:
Attachment Parenting: What Newly Arrived Children Need

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