My kids enjoy playing a computer game called Zoo Tycoon, where you set up a zoo and get points based on how well you care for your animals. Each animal is equipped with its own ‘health bar’--- a little line above it head that tells -- you guessed it-- how healthy it is. If the animal is doing well, its bar will be all or mostly green. An animal on the brink of death will have a mostly red bar.

Awhile back my 13 year old was giving me grief, hassling me with his sighs, Charlie Brown-like, arguing with me every chance he got, and just generally sucking me dry emotionally. I reasoned, I explained, I assigned chores, and yeah, I yelled a few times too. Nothing made any impact.

Finally I remembered the health bars on the Zoo Tycoon game. And I had an idea. I grabbed a piece of paper and red and green markers and made myself a health bar that showed me near death. I scotch-taped it to my forehead and waited for my son to notice.

It didn’t take long, Within seconds of entering the room, he stopped, suspicious, and said, “What’s that?”

“What does it look like?”

“Umm…” he looked confused for a second and then burst out laughing. “A health bar.? You‘re ready to die?”

Yeah,” I nodded. “I’m in bad shape. You know why?”

The grin slid off his face and he gave me a guilty look. “Um, me?”

“Yeah.”

I explained again how his negative vibes just sucked away my energy. This time he listened and seemed to get it. We shared some laughs over my goofiness, and in days after that, all I had to do is tell him my health bar was going down, and he’d mellow out. Not perfectly or always, of course. But the silliness of my action lightened up the mood between us in an amazing way, reminding anew of the power of humor in parenting.

Lots of times since then when I’ve been challenged by behavior for a kid, I’ve deliberately gone for the laugh, been dramatic and silly whenever I could and still make my point. Not to say I laugh off bad behavior. I don’t. But if I can express myself with humor, it greatly helps to open my kids’ heart towards me, making me so much more effective as a parent. Now if only I could remember that all the time!