Comments on: Older children and respect

By: specialfamily

specialfamily — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 18:50:46 +0000

I really hope things improved…I’ve been there, with the children I fostered. So I well understand, it’s like your head knows in their situation is expected, but…your heart years for a different kind of attitude
Really hope the day improved,

Kate

By: horselover

horselover — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 06:09:28 +0000

Thank you for writing such an honest story. I have been reading your blog for a year and this is the first time I have made a comment. We brought our 3 new children home from Ethiopia in July. Our oldest who we thought was 7 is probably more like 10-12. Your story has been my life almost everyday and some days many times per day for the last 3 months. I am so glad I am not alone and that this is a normal problem. Keep up the real stories so we know our families are not the only ones who are not perfect!

By: Sunbonnet Sue

Sunbonnet Sue — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 00:50:16 +0000

that sounds like the cultural differences regarding eye contact. In our culture, you look a person straight in the eye as a sign of respect and honesty. For many cultures, it is a sign of respect to look at the floor.

By: sbodenman

sbodenman — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 19:14:20 +0000

Mary-this happens in our house a lot and I asked Gay at AAI about it. She said this is the first time these kids have ever been treated with respect. I’m sure that you ask them to PLEASE do things, but they are not used to doing the same. She says it’s a cultural thing and when it’s pointed out to them they get offended. I have to remind myself EVERY DAY that this is something they have to learn to do.

Sierra

By: MamaGiggles

MamaGiggles — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 14:03:14 +0000

Mary, I get a lot of similar “attitude” from my 7.5-yr-old (home from China 2.5 years…). We’re working a lot on respect, too. I think it’s common to (a) kids and (b) older adopted kids… I’m sure you’ll both be fine and things will smooth over. Hang in there!

Roma

By: patjrsmom

patjrsmom — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 05:08:25 +0000

(I tried to post this on your Owlhaven blog, but I don't think it went through?)
I know what you're talking about. It took our daughter a while to translate her wants and needs of Amharic into the more subtle, subjunctive mood of the English language. So rather than (at first) asking, "Do you think you could help me now?" She would say (sounding-but not intentionally, I don't think), "Mom! Help me, NOW!" And be embarrassed to be corrected in front of her new, English speaking peers. Eventually, through perseverance and time, she has begun to learn the nuances of the English language--AND what is and is NOT acceptable to say to Mom or Dad.

God Bless you!

Jane

By: scrapsbynobody

scrapsbynobody — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 00:09:14 +0000

Our newbies in the house are 10, 12, & 13. They have done their share of the stomping, and pouting, and making me pay. But we seem to be getting to the other side of these rude demands… thank goodness. Just keep doing what you’re doing, and it will work its way out in awhile. But for goodness sake, don’t freeze yourself to make a point! I am continually consequencing someone, and then kicking myself since it ends up punishing me too. But I’m getting more clever as time goes by!

By: Nancy Spoolstra

Nancy Spoolstra — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 22:22:09 +0000

Mary, did I write that post?????

By: fourgoingon7

fourgoingon7 — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 21:12:19 +0000

Mary–I hope your day gets better. You are an amazing mother and I am thankful that you share this part of your life with us. Blessings to you!

By: arroller@peoplepc.co

arroller@peoplepc.co — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 19:21:52 +0000

Is it something in the air? Our almost 5 year old? (here from Ethiopia last March) took a major turn for the worse today. I just sent him to take a nap and I have plans to send him to bed early if he needs that.

Angela