I enjoy reading the blog The Naked Ovary. She has just brought a toddler home from China, and this weekend posted about her struggles to help her new daughter sleep. After posting a big long comment at her place, I decided to also share my comment here, since sleep issues in newly arrived kids are so very common.

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My reply:

One of my sons came home at the age of 20 months when his 'big' brother was only 23 months of age. My new son woke crying in terror several times a night due to the huge change in his life, and my 23 month old also woke up at night occasionally. AND they slept in the same room, so they would sometimes wake each other. (Not always, though--thankfully!)

I was pretty tired for awhile. I also resorted to Benadryl for a month or so at bedtime for both of them. I only gave a half-dose, but it seemed to help them both sleep deeper. I also put a mattress on the floor of their room, so that when he woke, upset, I just went in and laid down with him. Sometimes he continued to cry awhile, but usually within half an hour or so he would settle back down to sleep if I was there with him.

I have never been really big on getting up and watching TV in the night when my kids won't sleep. Mostly I keep it dark and I stay close. That reminds me: another of my kids, a daughter who came home from Ethiopia at 20 months of age, resisted sleep during her first month home. She would flip and flop and play and fuss, but she didn't let her body be STILL enough to go to sleep.

I kind of went on instinct with this solution, but one of the first nights I had her, when we were still in Ethiopia, in fact, I KNEW she was exhausted. So I just sat in bed and held her in a cradle position, not letting her get up. She howled like CRAZY for 7 minutes (I know, I was timing it) while I rocked her and sang to her. Then, abruptly, she gave up and went to sleep.

Probably a dozen or so times after she got home, she would get in that 'resisting sleep' mood, and I would just hold her and rock her and every time it took less than 10 minutes of crying and she would give up and go to sleep.

I think you are right-on to NOT want to do the cry-it-out method for a newly arrived toddler. However, crying IN mom's arms while being rocked and caressed is a totally different thing emotionally. And in that context I think that the crying actually let my daughter 'cry out' some of her stress and settle enough to sleep.

This may or may not work with you, but in might be worth trying...

Also, the biggest advice to keep in mind is that this is temporary. Chances are, by Christmas things will be starting to improve. By Easter you will probably have LOTS of good sleep under your belt again. But for now just take it one night at a time. Try to get to bed early when you can, and really take advantage of the times your child sleeps. Get some exercise every day. Eat some chocolate every day (it's medicinal, you know!) And remind yourself that things WILL improve eventually.

All the best

Mary, mom to many