This evening at prayer time my 5 year old (home 3 years) was bopping and flopping around during bedtime prayers in the most distracting of ways. Repeated reminders and warnings didn't phase her a bit-- she was tuning out both her dad and me . Finally I told her that since she'd decided to disobey, she'd need to sleep in the toddler bed in my room. (I planned to move her to her own bed as soon as she fell asleep.)

Usually she shares a room with her 9 and 12 year old sisters, which she loves. I was hoping that being confined to my bedroom instead of her own would cause her to listen to my words a little more seriously in the future. She seemed mildly disappointed, but trundled off to bed in my room.

That's when I discovered that my brilliant idea had caused another problem. It seemed that our newly-arrived 9 year old was now wildly jealous that the 5 year old was getting to sleep in mom's room. She wanted in on that fun, big-time, and she begged piteously for the privilege-- nevermind that I had meant it as a consequence.

I tried to explain to her that the five year old was in there because she'd disobeyed, not as a special treat. I told the 9 year old that if she was also in there, the 5 year old would be having way too much fun to learn a thing from her 'lesson.'

The 9 year old understood me just well enough to say, "I be bad at prayer time tomorrow, then I sleep in your room too?"

Great.

I am enough of an attachment parenting mom that it was tremendously difficult for me to (very gently) tell her that she needed to sleep in her own bed. Part of me so much wanted to say yes. And who knows, some Friday night we may allow it, just for a special treat.

But I know I would not feel happy about a 9 year old sleeping with us on a regular basis. Our two year old sleeps with us every night, but a nine year old just feels a little bit old to me. And frankly, by the time I hit bed these days, I need a break, not more together time.

Part of me still wishes I'd been able to say yes. But another part of me knows that arrangement would just not work for me- or for my husband. As parents I think we should always be willing to examine our 'I could never do that' feelings to make sure they stand on valid reasoning. But I think that realizing our own limits is a very important part of staying happy and sane as a parent.

Related links
Helping toddlers sleep
Mom guilt and the newly arrived child