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Earlier today I shared the link to a blog of a mom discussing how she and her spouse chose what type of child to request. There are a few other links that I think might add more to this discussion.
Here are three blog posts I wrote this summer:
Overcoming Adoption’s Racial Barriers – discusses an Aug 2006 New York Times article
Kids who look like us – talking about the hierarchy of adoption
Why Not Transracially? – a followup to ‘Kids Who Look Like Us’.
And here is an excellent post written by an adoptive mom, sharing how she came to the decision to adopt a child from Guatemala. She writes in response to a question on the adoption discussion forums titled Is being more selective about race sometimes okay or is it always a cop-out?
She writes:
So I am planning on adopting a girl from Guatemala. She will certainly be of Mayan ancestry. I will make sure that she speaks Spanish, which is ironically the language of the conquistadores, not the language of her native people, though she might have some Spanish ancestory as well. She will dance Merengue with Dominicans and Cumbia with Colombians and I hope she will learn some of those beautiful dances from India in which the women do such amazing things with their wrists and hands and eyes. I will be surprised but supportive if she becomes a weaver, (a great tradition among Guatemalan women), but I hope selfishly that she shares my interest in SCUBA diving and snorkeling.
I think she makes a great point. All this discussion of values and race and tolerance and assimilation and prejudice should make us think about how we want to raise our kids. Instead of only exposing our Ethiopian kids to ‘Black’ culture, (if such a thing can even be defined), if we raise our kids to see the value and beauty in all cultures, we are giving our kids a much greater gift. We are shaping the next generation. If everyone saw the value in others, no matter their color, it would be a better world indeed.
That is a great point you make at the end there. I read the other woman’s post earlier, the one who decided against transracial adoption. It was interesting to hear that perpsective, and while I’m very glad that she decided against it if she isn’t comfortable with it, it made me a little sad.
There seem to be many caucasian adoptive parents who claim they can’t properly raise a “black child.” The sad thing about this is that Africa is obviously experiencing a HUGE orphan crisis, and there are many AA infants available domestically, while parents sit for years on waiting lists for domestic healthy white infants. (My other concern was verbalized by a commenter on her post, who said that they hoped the parents wouldn’t try to pretend that the baby was biologically theirs, etc. simply because they’re the same race. I honestly think a lot of people believe that a child will feel more like he/she is “theirs” if it looks like it could have been. I wonder if this ever leads to unhealthy attitudes, less open talk about the child’s adoption, etc.)
For us, we recognize that there will be challenges in transracial parenting. We do plan to move somewhere that has a higher percentage of African Americans and also hopefully close enough to a city with an Ethiopian population. We plan to keep our sons connected with Ethiopia, and give them opportunities to interact with African Americans in day to day life. I also yearn for a more diverse group of friends/acquaintances.
I guess all of this to say that we’re all flawed and ill equipped to be perfect parents. I firmly believe that in a perfect, ideal world, my sons would be with their birth mother and sister living in Nazaret, Ethiopia. Sadly, though, their mother couldn’t care for them and gave them up, and they needed a family. SO, now we are blessed to be Yosef and Biniam’s parents. I hope and pray that more people will really look past the fear of the unknown, or realize that it is not such a huge sacrifice as it might seem to make some changes to offer a culturally rich upbringing to a child.
Oh my! I am so flattered to be quoted in your blog!