America is so rich compared to Ethiopia. And yet in some ways Ethiopian mothers may know more about what babies need that we Americans do. We in America focus so much on getting babies independent. If an American mom carried a baby as much as Ethiopian moms do, people would probably tell her she was spoiling her child. The pressure on American babies is always to grow up faster.

When groups of American mothers get chatting, talk can sometimes sound like a competition. The faster a baby sleeps all night, loses the binky, gets rid of the bottle, walks alone, soothes himself to sleep, the more competent a mother is seen. The push is always towards independence and maturity.

I think this push is sad-- it robs babies of the chance to simply be babies. But especially it is sad for newly arrived infants and toddlers, because it is exactly the opposite of what a newly arrived adopted child really needs to become well attached. It is a wise parent who resists the pressure, and simply allows the baby to be a baby.

Here are six simple things you can do every day to help your new child become well attached. These are great things for all parents to do with their children, but are especially critical for working mothers to focus on during their time with their children each day.

1.) CARRY your child on your hip or in a baby carrier an hour each day. Invest in a good baby carrier. For a baby under 8-12 months old, a fabric carrier is usually best. Ergo and Hug A Bub are both excellent brands. For a toddler who weighs more than 25 pounds or so, a frame-style backpack may be most comfortable.

2.)ROCK your child at least twice a day, very close and cuddly. A child newly home may resist at first. You may have to rock facing outward for a few days. But gradually work towards a face-to-face intimate cuddle. And a bottle or two a day during rocking time is great, even for toddlers.

3.)FEED him at mealtime. Even preschoolers can get little morsels from your hand every now and then during a meal. In fact, in Ethiopia, feeding each other choice bites is something Ethiopian adults do quite often.

4.)SLEEP or nap with your child if you feel comfortable doing so. Some parents bring a child into their bed. Others lay a big mattress on the floor of the child's room and lie with the child to get him to sleep, then sneak off to their own bed once the child is asleep.

5.)PLAY on the floor with him at least half an hour each day. Play this-little-piggie or peekaboo. Roll a ball back and forth. Play chase. Make dolls talk to each other. Look at story books together. Build block towers and laugh together when your baby knocks them down.


6.)LAUGH and be silly with your child every day! Laughter has tremendous healing power. Tickle him, dance with him, be goofy and have fun!

I have a couple questions for experienced parents here: what things did you do with your child to promote attachment? And what other kinds of baby carriers have you used that have worked well? Looking forward to reading your wisdom....