A reader recently asked me what I thought was the most important thing to keep in mind when considering international adoption. I think what we really need to understand is that these kids have a past. They are not newborns with blank slates. Some of them have living family. Some have memories. Most have had times of sub-optimal care, where caregivers were inconsistent or unavailable.

These things leave their mark. Folks need to go into adoption with the knowledge that even infants will probably take a few months to settle in. Do some reading so you'll be prepared if your child resists affection at first, or if he spends some months grieving after he gets home.

If you're thinking of adopting a child past the age of one, education is even more important. Take a hard look at your abilities and your resources. Can you be flexible? Are you patient? Do you have a good support system to help you through the rough first months? Are you an experienced parent or do you have experienced parents who will mentor you? If so, you may be a good candidate to adopt an older child. But don't expect it to be easy, and do educate yourself about what to expect.

Some families may decide that they're ready to take on an older child. Others end up concluding that an infant or toddler is a better fit for their family. But whatever you decide, don't let the need for planning and education scare you off.

Building our family through international adoption has been an adventure and an amazing gift. Not only have we gained the presence of some wonderful kids in our lives, we've also had our horizons expanded. In visiting our children's birth countries and learning language and customs and recipes, we've become citizens of the world. Our family is richer and more interesting because of this.

Even in the midst of this challenging adjustment period with our newest children, all I have to do is to look at the faces around us to remember it is worth the work. These kids are a gift in our lives and we are truly blessed.

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