Lots of people are familiar with postpartum depression, the depression that strikes women in the first year or so after giving birth. But fewer people are aware that adoptive mothers can experience something similar after new children come home.

The adoption process can be a roller-coaster. So much focus is on the future, when this new child will finally be here, that mothers are often surprised when the reality does isn't quite like they imagined it would be. Even experienced parents can be left reeling, especially if the child takes a while to settle in or resists bonding at first.

An article in the New York Times mentions that many adoptive parents suffer secretly because of the shame and guilt of not being entirely happy over something they had chosen and, in many cases, worked so hard to get.

Making this even more challenging is the fact that society tends to put adoptive parents on a pedestal. It can be really hard for adoptive parents to admit they are ambivalent or depressed about this new family member they worked so hard to bring home.

So what do you do if your find yourself struggling with depression after your child comes home?

First, don't go it alone.

Many parents have experienced the very same feelings. If you can find a network of supportive adoptive moms (either in real life or on the internet) to talk to when you are low, you'll probably feel a lot better. You may also benefit from help in your home during the first months home. Some moms may just need some extra take-out food and someone to come clean the bathrooms once a week. Other moms may find that they're more effective if they have an afternoon off a couple times a week where dad keeps the kids. Still others may need to enlist a capable teen to help with the housework a couple hours every afternoon.

Second, give yourself time to fall in love with your child.

It is completely normal to take several months to really fall in love with a child. And it is perfectly okay to go through the motions of loving your child until the feelings come. 'Love is a decision' is a great mantra, especially if you have a child who is resisting affection and making it hard to love him.

Third, take care of yourself physically.

Go for a walk every day, whether you feel like it or not. Nap if at all possible. Even 20 minutes can make a difference in your mood. Get enough fresh fruit and vegetables. And I personally find a bit of good chocolate every day to be essential to my happiness.

Finally, get help if you or your family thinks you need it.

If you are struggling with post-adoption depression, don't be afraid to consult with your doctor. Some moms have found that antidepressant medication is just to thing to pull them over the hump in those first tough months. Do what it takes to feel better. You and your family will both be glad you did.


Related Links

Ways To Support An Adoptive Family
Gathering Your Support System