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While I am far from an expert on Ethiopian news, history and culture, I do try and keep up on the basics of what is going on. This is important to me and I believe it will be important to my kids in time. Plus we want to go back in a few years and I want to know how to prepare!
I find it easy to celebrate the holidays and the fun activities. We watched the Olympics last summer and cheered as the Ethiopian team walked on the track. I tracked down the Olympic Coca-Cola cans with Amharic writing on it and the kids enjoyed that Coke immensely and they keep a can in their Ethiopian memory baskets. We celebrated the gold metals, New years, Christmas and Easter. I’ve been working on improving my culinary skills when it comes to Ethiopian food and we meet with other families monthly who have kids from Ethiopia.
I do find it harder to keep them up to date with the harsh realities of Ethiopia. They are kids and I believe that you should only give kids what they can handle. Little bits of reality here and there as are all I give them as I think they have had way to much reality for their ages already.
When we first brought the girls home I bought or copied everything that I found about Ethiopia. Newspapers talking about the draught and pending famine, AIDS orphan articles, etc. I felt I needed to keep these for the girls so that someday they will know the state of Ethiopia when they left, why Ethiopia had opened up to International adoptions. I still keep things, but stopped buying every headline about Ethiopia, my house would fill up way to quickly! I never noticed before how often Ethiopia is in the news.
I want them to love their homeland and treasure it in their hearts. I must admit though, that when they are yelling about how they want to go back to Ethiopia where, “No one is mean to us there!” ” I could eat whatever I wanted in Ethiopia!” “Ethiopia is more fun then America” I sometimes want to remind them that they used to have to share with 148 other kids, that they had two outfits and the same food everyday, that most likely only one of them would be able to go to school and that was only a sometimes and a maybe. It is hard going through the transition of adopting when the kids see their past as “Gold Paved Streets in Ethiopia” (I’m being sarcastic, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they told me that someday!). When times are hard, I believe they see us as the people who took them away from Ethiopia. Most of the time things are good though, happy, joyful and normal.
So when Ethiopia comes up in a conversation, or they ask why their mom died, we may talk about how it is harder to get some medications in Ethiopia and that is why there is a lot of sickness and death there. We talk about mosquitos and maleria, how sometimes people don’t have enough to eat, but that parents try hard to provide. Sometimes I think our topics are too morose for kids their age. My four year old talks about death more than the average pre-schooler I’m sure, but that facts are that our family has been impacted by death, loss, and change and we are all grieving in our own way.
I will answer any direct questions when and if they come, but for now most of the newspaper headlines are for me and Hubby to read and to put put away for the girls someday.
Photo Credit: PSM 2008
I am an Ethiopian and appreciate what you are doing. I think you are a miracle worker for helping any kid in a destitute. But at least once, you sounded a little bitter there. I just want to say they might be nostalgic about Ethiopia or they might even make you feel like you snatched them from heaven. You shouldn’t feel that way though. They might be in cultural shock and besides it is common for their age. And hopefully they will adjust very soon. With a little patience things will be fine.
Thanks for the pep talk! I do get upset sometimes, but it is not their fault I know that. I am far from a miracle worker though, and my kids will testify to that!
We did not adopt to “save a child” or to “save the world” and I don’t expect the kids to be greatful in any way. It is a hard process though, and it hurts to be the “bad guy” sometimes.