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Just finished reading a good book about an adoptive mom and her black daughter. (“Weaving A Family: Untangling Race and Adoption” by Barbara Katz Rothman.) It talks about the importance of hair in the black community. She mentioned that you can expect an African American girl’s hair to take 2-3 hours of care a week.
The mom shared the story of seeing a black friend, who, upon seeing the child’s ‘Mickey Mouse-ears’ ponytails laughed and blurted out, “Oh, she has bad hair!” The two friends had a good laugh over it, and after that the mom resolved to do better with her daughter’s hair.
That passage in the book resonated with me. I probably spend less than two hours a week actually doing my 3 year old’s hair. But I do spend a fair bit of emotional energy on it. In general I do OK at styling her hair.
The photo above shows my daughter’s hair in Nubian knots– tiny ponytails all over the head, twisted and wrapped back around themselves. I think it turned out cute. But I’m not expert– there are almost no little Black girls in my community to compare it to.
I have to admit to a fair bit of trepidation each time I post pictures. I hate the thought that a black person might feel sorry for the poor kid stuck with the clueless white lady. And it always seems like the days that I choose the easiest, most casual styles are the days when the Black ladies at the grocery store just seem to come out of the woodwork, leaving me feeling guilty for a less than perfect look.
I know I really should not be so dependent on the approval of others, and I’ve never had a bad comment. But I quake inside at the thought of one, because I so much want her to look well cared for. After reading that book (above) I resolved to master that tricky beast, the cornrow.
I have finally figured out how to braid underhand instead of overhanded. But I am frustrated because I can’t seem to get the cornrows tight enough. And after half a day, her hairline always looks fuzzy no matter what style I started with.
The hair is so short there, and it just slips out. I keep thinking if I could just braid tighter less hair would get out. Leaving me less susceptible to disapproving looks from strangers in the grocery store. Tighter braids. I gotta have’em. Somehow.
I get such a kick out of reading how committed you are to getting that hair thang down. You seem to really “get it.” I have absolutely loved every picture you’ve posted thus far of your daughter’s hair. She always looks just like a little nubian angel. For the record, I’m one of those black ladies, and I think you’re doing a heck of a job. So keep doin’ what you’re doin. But you’re right about one thing. You really shouldn’t drive yourself nuts worrying what everyone else is thinking. You’ve got two eyes, you can see for yourself that your daughter looks cute as a button after you “get her head together” (heard that one?). So stop sweating it. As for the cornrows, if she’s got “good hair” and by now I’m assuming you know what that means, you’re probably not going to be able to get the braids to stay tight. I have silky hair but my daughters and my son have nappy hair. They can wear beautiful intricate cornrows and keep them neat and perfect for weeks. I can’t wear them at all!
I spent some time in a Nubian village in Egypt–a very pleasant memory. The girls there all had their heads covered, so I couldn’t see their hair!
Anyway, I think your daughter’s hairstyle is darling.
Go ahead, girl! Do your thang. Don’t worry about no one else but your daughter. You are doing a great job. I see a lot black mamas running the streets these days with their poor children walking behind them all ratty-haired, so be patient. You’ll get a hang of it all with time. Pick up what you can, try it, and let your little one work it!
Thanks for the encouragement, y’all!! Means a lot to me!
Mary/Owlhaven
When we adopted #2, we knew the child would be AA, but didn’t specify the gender. I have to say I was a TINY bit relieved to get our boy. I can manage that hair (and he has GOOD hair…..it makes me want to play with it…). I have the same fears. I don’t feel as stressed about it now and would feel ready to tackle 12 girls.
We didn’t request a gender for Ethiopia, so I assume that means boy, but no I have to say I would love a little girl…just to get my hands on that beautiful hair!
I LOVE the Nubian knots.
I’m starting to sweat about hair, too, especially because I’ve never been one to do fancy hair — I can manage an “under” braid, & a ponytail, but nothing complicated, even with my daughters’ straight, cooperative hair. My husband does much, much better at it than I do. Good thing he’s willing to take on hair duty!
I think your daughter’s hair looks beautiful — I only hope I can learn!
Oh your daughter’s hair is ADORABLE!!! I’m still working on getting Madison’s parts right!!!!
You do an excellent job with the girls’ hair. Trust me. I think your parts are very innovative.
Don’t get real obsessed with their hair coming out of the braid at the hairline. You absolutely don’t want to make the mistake of pulling their hair so tight that you cause traction allopecia. It’s actually quite common to see it in the black community because of black moms’ obssessions to keep the hair looking neat and not show naps. Braiding and pulling the hair too tightly around the hairline is never a good thing.
Everybody’s hair in cornrows and french braids eventually works itself out of the braid around the hairline. My niece’s hair only holds up for a couple of days around the hairline. Just lightly touch it up by brushing the hair back into the braid to give it a more finished look. You can also you a little gel or something to kinda hold it in place.
Oh and the Bantu knots are too cute!
I think the biggest thing in the hair game you need to avoid is the idea of good hair and bad hair. Thinkin like that can really ruin a little black girl’s self-esteem
I love the commitment you have to the care of your daughters hair. I think her hair looks beautiful. You really did an excellent job. My youngest daughter has hair similar to your daughter’s hair and I’m trying to get it to thicken up a bit. She is a year old with pretty long hair for her age but it is rather thin when braided. I use Soft n Precious detangling spray in her hair and it does quite well around the three dollar mark. If you have other suggestions on other hair styles or products I’d be happy to give them a try. This is coming from a black mother who is definitely hair challenged.
your doing a great job !!!
keep it up