Just finished reading a good book about an adoptive mom and her black daughter. (“Weaving A Family: Untangling Race and Adoption” by Barbara Katz Rothman.)  It talks about the importance of hair in the black community.  She mentioned that you can expect an African American girl's hair to take 2-3 hours of care a week. 

The mom shared the story of seeing a black friend, who, upon seeing the child’s ‘Mickey Mouse-ears’ ponytails laughed and blurted out, "Oh, she has bad hair!"   The two friends had a good laugh over it, and after that the mom resolved to do better with her daughter’s hair.

That passage in the book resonated with me. I probably spend less than two hours a week actually doing my 3 year old's hair. But I do spend a fair bit of emotional energy on it.  In general I do OK at styling her hair.

The photo above shows my daughter’s hair in Nubian knots-- tiny ponytails all over the head, twisted and wrapped back around themselves. I think it turned out cute. But I’m not expert-- there are almost no little Black girls in my community to compare it to.

I have to admit to a fair bit of trepidation each time I post pictures. I hate the thought that a black person might feel sorry for the poor kid stuck with the clueless white lady. And it always seems like the days that I choose the easiest, most casual styles are the days when the Black ladies at the grocery store just seem to come out of the woodwork, leaving me feeling guilty for a less than perfect look.

I know I really should not be so dependent on the approval of others, and I’ve never had a bad comment. But I quake inside at the thought of one, because I so much want her to look well cared for. After reading that book (above) I resolved to master that tricky beast, the cornrow.

I have finally figured out how to braid underhand instead of overhanded. But I am frustrated because I can’t seem to get the cornrows tight enough. And after half a day, her hairline always looks fuzzy no matter what style I started with.

The hair is so short there, and it just slips out. I keep thinking if I could just braid tighter less hair would get out. Leaving me less susceptible to disapproving looks from strangers in the grocery store. Tighter braids. I gotta have’em. Somehow.