John and I keep finding ourselves talking about our first meeting with our girls. What do we do? Should I kiss them once on the cheek American-style, or 3 times, alternating cheeks like Ethiopians do? Will a big bear hug from John scare them? John joked that to find out what their reaction might be, he ought to just go up to the next little girl he sees in the mall and hug her. We laughed at the ridiculous sound of that idea, but what we are asking of these new girls of ours is not terribly different.

After we get through the first moment of exclamation and rejoicing and hugging (whether they participate or not) what comes next? Will we find things to say? Will they talk back to us? When thinking of meeting my children, I always imagine crying and being overcome. But in reality what usually happens is that I become so hyper-aware of the child’s reactions that my emotions are forgotten.

I wonder if the emotiongs will feel more overwhleming when we meet these older children, though. The heart-rending vulnerability of them being placed into our care, fully aware, makes my heart raw. How must it feel to be so conscious and yet so powerless over your own destiny?

yesterday we got a picture of the girls taken in the moments after they got their welcome bags, soon after they saw our faces for the first time. The girls sit, bodies leaning hard on each other, shoulders tripoding together. The sense of support they gain from each other is tangible.

The younger girl smiles an adorable obliging ‘cheese’ of a smile. The album is open on her lap to a page that contains my picture. The 11 year old is staring at camera like someone interrupted her while deep in thought. Not frowning. Not smiling. Just staring like she is trying to look into her future.

What must they be feeling at that moment? What will they feel when they first see us? Will John’s booming laugh be terrifying? Will my green eyes and freckled skin look odd? Will they be eager to finally meet us, or terrified at the new life beginning and the old life ending? What will our first days together be like?

I don't know how it will be. For now with thousands of miles between us all we can do is stare at each other’s pictures and imagine our future together. Soon we will be a family, working to meld our lives together. But for now we reside in the land of imagining and dreaming and wondering.

And hoping.