It makes perfect sense that they are confused when the black child swears that his mom is the blonde lady he came in with. To birth kids, a real mom means the woman who gave birth to the child.
Rather than insisting that the blonde mom is the REAL mom, I think it is important to discuss the meaning of ‘real’. I explain that my child was not born from me but that we came together to be a real family by law.
I explain that my husband and I are not related by blood, but became a family by law and by love, and our adopted child joined our family in the same manner. No genetics, no shared looks, but a shared family and love. She’s as genetically related to me as my husband is…it makes for a REAL family.
I always told my daughter that her Colombian adoption papers translated something like this: ‘this bond is so strong that even God can’t break it!’ Now, THAT’s a strong bond!
Then, there are the questions about why the child was given up.
Every child I’ve talked with has seemed to understand the sadness that a mother must have when giving up her child, and has had a grasp of the joy that a family would have when another child joins it.
I can honestly say that I’ve never seen a situation where the child was just plain mean to mine on this subject. Curious, yes. And I would expect that. Mean, no. Never.

~Beth