Families with adopted children sometimes find that their children's classmates are uninformed about adoption. Unfortunately many young children will manifest that lack of information by asking the adopted children awkward questions or making unkind comments.

Families can handle this in a couple ways. We can coach our kids to think ahead and have an answer planned and ready when a friend asks a question such as, "Is that your real mom?" Some families also opt to go into their children's classrooms near the start of each school year to do a brief adoption talk, helping kids learn a little more about adoptive families.

If you opt to talk to your child's class, here are some of the talking points that you might want to cover. First of all, tell kids that siblings in an adoptive family are real siblings, and the parents are real parents. You might also mention some good words for first parents such as birth parents or first parents. In our family, we also say, 'Korean mom' or 'Ethiopian mom'.

Often children will wonder why a child's first parents did not keep them, and will say unkind things. You don't need to share your own child's story-- that's personal, and you can tell children that. But you can say that birth parents do love their children, but aren't able to care for them for a variety of reasons.

Another thing to mention is that there are actually many adopted kids in the world, but you might not notice some because many of them look like their parents.

If your child is a new immigrant, it may be helpful to mention to the class that he or she doesn't know all the rules in this country yet and it takes time to learn them. For example, a child may cut in line, or get closer to other kids than is normal in the U.S.

Also mention that he or she is still learning English. If you think your child will enjoy it, you could teach the class a word or two in Amharic, and share a few interesting facts about Ethiopia. Some families even bring a snack from Ethiopia.

Closing your talk with an opportunity to ask questions may also decrease the awkward questions your child will need to field during the school year. Many parents have found that educating their children's classmates makes a big difference in how comfortable their children feel in the classroom.

Related links

ESL and Newly Arrived Kids Part One | Part Two