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One of the things that I didn’t give a lot of thought to before our girls came home was the issue of contact with family and friends. I assumed I’d be glad to have the girls keep in touch with any extended family, and I thought it would be neat if they could speak with friends on the phone from time to time.
When our girls got home, I was thrilled when they received their first call from a Layla House friend. Their faces glowed, and it was such fun to hear them chattering away in Amharic. What a great way to keep their language!
What I didn’t fully comprehend was how many friends they have. Our phone was ringing nearly every day for them. Sometimes 2 or 3 kids would call in one day. During the first few weeks home, there were several days where the girls were on the phone for 2-3 hours each day. It was never the same person for all that time — one would hang up and another would call.
All the time on the phone really cut into our family time. The girls would interrupt games with their siblings or talks with mom to talk to friends. Then there was the aftermath. There seemed to be a fair bit of crankiness after a round of phone time, like it was hard for the kids to re-enter real life. After a couple weeks of too much telephone, we decided to tell the girls that they could only make calls on the weekends.
This new rule coincided with the start of school, so it was a logical time to begin it. We also instituted a half-hour rule for each individual call. This made the calling a lot more manageable while still respecting the girls’ wishes to chat with friends.
To my surprise, our girls accepted the phone time rules fairly graciously. They seemed to understand that phone calls cost money, and they enjoy looking forward to some phone time most Saturdays. An occasional friend will still call during their week. But one weekday call is a lot more doable than five.
If you are planning on adopting older kids, you might think a little about phone time and how you plan to handle it. It won’t be an issue for some kids, but if your kids are as chatty as mine, you’ll be glad you have plan in place ahead of time.
Related links
Rules for new arrivals
Helping children keep their language
