I've noticed that my adopted kids seem to need a little more reassurance that I really do love them. They are more likely to claim that a consequence means I must 'hate' them. Or if another child is allowed something that they don't get, they'll swear it is because I love the other child better.

I've read that some adoptees fear rejection their whole lives. I don't think this issue is universal, but my experience with my children makes me think that it must be fairly common. Awhile ago one of my toddlers repeatedly expressed fear that I would leave him. When he misbehaved, he'd worry I wouldn't love him any more. After he found out that kids don't live with parents their whole lives, he was even afraid of growing up. I did lots of things to reassure him. But one of the most effective turned out to be a little singsong chant that I made up and repeated over and over as I rocked him at bed time.

"I love you when you're good,
I love you when you're bad
I love you when you're happy
I love you when you're sad
I love you when you're little
And I'll even love you when you're all grown up."

The repetitive nature of this chant really seemed to comfort my child. Recently I was sent a book to review called I Love You More by Laura Duksta. When I opened the book, I was immediately reminded of the little chant I had spoken so often to my son.

This book is actually a 'flip story' which ends in the middle and can be begun from either side of the book. One of the stories expresses love from the parent's viewpoint, and the other tells it from the child's viewpoint. My little girls and I all enjoyed this book and have read it half a dozen times since it arrived at our house. I think it would make a sweet Christmas gift for any child. But it might be especially comforting to read to an adopted child who is seeking that extra bit of reassurance that he really is very precious to you.

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Photo credit: Mary Owlhaven