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Not all adopted children will have attachment issues. But we as adoptive families would be wise to learn all we can about attachment so we can effectively parent our children if issues come up. Here are some of the most helpful attachment-related books I have read:
Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray
This book is a great overview to help children of any age get well settled into their new family. It discusses factors that may affect attachment, common issue at various stages, and has lots of specific ways parents can help their children settle in well. I think every adoptive family would benefit from reading this book.
Building The Bonds Of Attachment by Daniel Hughes is an excellent resource, especially for families dealing with school-aged kids. It has tons of very specific hints for the early-elementary set, in an easy-to-read story format that follows a fictional little girl struggling to become attached after multiple moves in foster care.
When Love Is Not Enough by Nancy Thomas is geared towards families with elementary-aged kids who are really struggling. You may not decide to use every tactic in this book, and chances are if you read this book before you get your child home, you will find it intimidating. But families who are struggling to help their children become attached will find tons of useful hints to help a child’s behavior improve and bring the fun back into family life. Highly recommended for families who are struggling.
Hold On To Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld
is not an adoption book per se, but it does a tremendous job of highlighting the importance of the parent-child relationship and gives great ways to strengthen it. I was so excited about this book that I read large chunks of it to my husband, and wished I could buy it for every parent I know, adoptive or not.
Toddler Adoption by Mary Hopkins-Best This book contains lots of hints for children in the 9 month-4 year old age range.
Becoming Attached by Robert Karen
is a scholarly work most suited to a parent who really wants to understand attachment in-depth and has a little time to devote to reading. The focus of this book is not adoption, but attachment: how it occurs naturally and what disrupts it. It took me awhile to get through it, but I am glad I read it, as it deepened my understanding of attachment and its importance.
More about attachment
Those crucial first months
How long does it take?
Mary –
Thanks for the good roundup of Attachment books! Attachment is the Core Value for my “regular kids,” and living with a child who is ambivalently attached feels empty and sad.
I’ve been reading Anne Ford’s “On Their Own” Good insights — but I worry when I look ahead for my daughter. She can learn and work and have a life, but how will that life Feel if her relationships never progress beyond her efforts now? — Rachel
Mary – great list! Have you read Deborah Gray’s new book? It’s on my “to read” list.
I also think think the Adoption Parenting compilation book published by EMK Press has great basic info on attachment and lots of things.
And my newest favorite read is Bruce Perry’s “The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog.” – much more about trauma than attachment in particular…but very insightful.