Hi Mary,

I went back and read her comment. I agree with her while "legal" adoption is new to Ethiopia, traditional paperless "adoption" goes a long way back in the country.

In fact, people in the country side bring their children to well off relatives in the city with the hopes of helping them find a better life.

However, it is not at all adoption as you guys know it. Children in this kind of situations in Ethiopia tend to refer to their mothers as "the one that gave birth to me" and "the one that raised me" literally translated. No conflict between the two.

Generally they have deep ties, not just superficial ones with their birth parents. And there is nothing in the tradition that dictates that the child is in fact that of the family that is raising them.

In other words, the family that is raising the child doesn't have the sense of ownership adoptive families feel towards their adopted children in the US or other western countries. Does this make sense? It is hard to explain. Imagine, as you will, the most open type of adoption possible. That is what we are talking about... so much so that it is not even called adoption.

So, what you essentially have in Ethiopia is a child that ends up with two families. I personally know 2 people like this in my extended family. Not only have they managed to establish a life for themselves in the city but they have also taken to helping their family in the countryside. This is generally the perfect scenario in the mind of a parent "giving up" their child in Ethiopia.

So, I often wonder if the living Ethiopian parents know that they most probably will never see their children again.

My gut feeling? No, they don't know they won't see their children again. Because that idea doesn't exist in the Ethiopian culture.

The implications of poverty are complicated. This is just one of them in one particular context.

This said, I am not trying to discourage adoption of children with living parents. I am just putting in my point of view.... I hope I don't offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. As an Ethiopian, I am just trying to shed a light onto the issue.

I recently met an Ethiopian couple who live in the states and are adopting from Ethiopia. The perspective that I got from them was quite different. They said that they had relatives still in Ethiopia who had adopted and had not told the child that he was adopted and didn't plan to, and they were wondering whether they should tell their adopted child that she was adopted as well. They thought maybe they would tell their own child that she was adopted when she was older, maybe 16.

Fenyimom, then those guys are doing "legal" western style adoption. Not at all the traditional kind myself and the commentator from the previous entry Mary refers to are talking about. This is the reason why I have the word adoption in quotes when I talk about what happens in Ethiopia. May be "fostering" is actually a better word. No English word fits all that well really.

Also, I want to add that my husband and I are considering adoption just in case anyone wonders why I have began to frequent these blogs as a non adoptive parent.

Currently I am pregnant but we are looking into the possibility of adopting from Ethiopia for a third and fourth child. So, I am doing a lot of research about it in order to help us decide if it is something we indeed want/are able to do.

Congratulations, Yemi on the pregnancy! What great news! Glad to see you over here.

There are some agencies, like the one I used, that have mandatory birth relative visits when you travel to pick up your child. So even when the child has no living birth parents, the adoptive families meet with the aunt, uncle, grandmother, etc. when they go to Ethiopia. It's usually an overnight trip to the area where the birth relatives are from. In many cases (like mine) the adoptive families then go on to sponsor the child's older siblings (through the agency) that were not placed for adoption so they can go to school. Through the sponsorship program we are able to send care packages and stay in contact. Many of us plan to return to Ethiopia to visit the birth relatives when our children are older.

Just mentioning that to share that even with Western style adoption, you can still sometimes maintain the birth relative connection. That is something we are very grateful to have.

Hi Julie,

That sounds like a great arrangement. That is kind of what we are hoping for. We still have not decided and I am totally getting ahead of myself. But I want to be informed so I am reading a lot.

Have any of you by any chance seen the movie Daughter from Danang? It is a PBS movie about an adopted woman who went back to her country of birth Vietnam. Much of it doesn't really apply to Ethiopia given the history between Vietnam and America.

But the clash of cultures and expectation between her and her birth family does. If you get a chance may be you can check it out.

I have not seen it Yemi, but I will look up the movie. Thanks for letting me know about it.

Mary, I am happy to read that you feel better about adopting a child with living relatives after reading my comment. I really admire people like you who have adopted from Ethiopia and given the precious gift of a mother's love and care. I would not really put too much weight to the fact that the adopted kids have "lost" their culture. There are plenty of kids of Ethiopian immigrants in the US who are clueless about Ethiopia and their culture!

Yemi -thanks for clarifiying our adoption/fostering tradition. I too wonder if the families giving up their children for "western-style" adoptions really understand that they will probably have miminal if any contact with their child. I think the paperless adoption of old (masadeg) is definately more like "fostering". On the other hand, it occurred to me that there is in fact a second but less common type of adoption that is practiced in Ethiopia that is similar to the "western style" type. I remember my mother telling me of parents in her village who have given up their child to mothers of a different ethnic group (Oromos) and severing all family ties So I wonder if the parents who give up their kids for overseas adoptions are doing so in the context of THIS tradition and not the more common "fostering" tradition (I hope I am making sense here).


Julie-I think it's great that there are agencies that make it mandotary for prospective parents to meet the living relatives of the adoptees. Also there are Ethopian couples in the US who are opting for "western-style adoptions as well, so it looks like both sides (Ethiopian and American) are learning from each other to figure out what works best for their families.

BTW Yemi-I am a big fan of your blog "buchela".

Hi Muna!

Great to hear back from you! And you know Buchela! That is a nice bonus:)

I agree with you about the culture thing. Anyone raised outside of Ethiopia will have lost a certain degree of the culture regardless of who they are raised by. These kids are now Americans. It will be nice for them to be well informed about their background… anything beyond this is fantastic but can not be an expectation.

The second kind of adoption you are talking about (where parents completely severe ties) rarely comes into play as far as I know and is truly practiced by parents who, for whatever reason, really want to give up their children in all sense of the word. I personally know no one in this position. But the first type (the fostering kind) we talked about is extremely common and is used as a coping mechanism of poverty (as you put it) and lack of resources.

In a discussion with my husband, I was trying to count all the people in my extended family that have grown in this house or that house because of some reason and it occurred to me that there were actually more kids than I thought that got fostered by other extended family members. I think may be it is also important to define extended family here because it is not just aunts and uncles, cousins and nephews. In the Ethiopian context, it is anyone related to you. Sometimes, the blood connection can be very distant other times close.

Anyway, these kids used the term "yasadegun” when they referred to the people that raised them which directly translates to the “ones that raised me.”

I think the living parents want to give up their children to be raised (masadeg) by American families considering what kind of reputation America has in Ethiopia. I have no question about that. As you know, being able to say my child is in America is a huge deal. Well to do parents (by Ethiopian standards) have been known to go to a great extent to get their kids to the US let alone poverty stricken ones.

My doubt, like yours, is about whether or not they understand that they will, most probably, never ever see their kids again. Do they know they are relinquishing their rights as parents? That for all intents and purposes that child is no longer theirs?

When an American birth mother gives her kids up for adoption, she knows. Why? Because she is well informed. She signs papers. She reads. There are social workers and others involved working to ensure she understands exactly what it means. There are laws designed to protect her rights. But still, sometimes there are controversies about particular cases.

In Ethiopia, we are talking about people who, in most cases, in order to sign a paper, have to use ink on their thumb for a finger print signature because they are illiterate and can’t write. And we are talking about the debut of international adoption in the context of a very prevalent tradition of taking in other people’s kids and raising them. We are also talking about a context in which a child in America (the west) means something very big for entire families. Questioning things is a good idea because if adoptive parents don’t, then the adopted kids are most certainly going to.

Like you, I feel adoption is a wonderful way of building families. I hope one day to take part in it. I also believe it is in the best interest of the adoptive community to ensure that it is discussed from many perspectives and in ways that promote understanding.

Hi Mary,

I just thought I'd share a link to this article which I thought addressed your concern and the culture issue very well.

I think it would be wonderful if adoptive parents of Ethiopian children try to explore the Ethiopian culture together so that the children will feel rooted in their identity.

Here is the link: http://www.pactadopt.org/press/articles/attach-intl.html

Have a good weekend!

Hi Yemi and Mary,

Just to add some aspects of adoption in Ethiopia. I have lived in Ethiopia for 16 years. I have two adopted children from Ethiopia as well. I agree with Yemi, that fostering is very common in Ethiopia, particularly among the Amhara. But among the Oromo adoption exists; even if this is done within the extended family it is more absolute than fostering. The word for adoption in Oromo is guddefetcha; the same word is used for the contract we sign in the court system when we adopt. Guddefetcha is different from the amharic word "masaddeg", which i believe means fostering. Among the Oromo, when a child is adopted, he/she is considered to be the true child of the adoptive parents. It is actually a shame to reveal to the child that he/she is adopted. I felt a greater understanding and sensibility towards our adoption among the Oromo than among the Amahara population.
Marit