Dear Angelina,

You and I just missed each other in Ethiopia in the summer of 2005. I left Ethiopia with my Bisunesh about three weeks before you got there to pick up your Zahara. Like a gazillion other adoptive moms, I've been fascinated to read the blow-by-blow accounts of your adoptions.

I know that you and I are different in a hundred ways, but when I see you trekking around town with one of your babies in a sling, I feel like we have a kinship. I've been thinking about this latest adoption of yours-- your sweet little Pax who's had to wait so long for a mom. Every kid should have a mom, and I am glad he finally has one.

Whenever I see pictures of you, you're holding your children. Somehow I think that you have good mom-instincts. I write to encourage you along this journey towards attachment with your new son. He's still little, but he's enough older than your others on homecoming that he may take longer to settle in.

I just want to encourage you to put little Pax at the top of your priority list for the next year or so. I've read that you plan to be home for awhile, and I hope that you can make that happen. Pax has lived his whole life with nannies. Now he needs a mother.

Newly adopted infants give you a little more grace...they tend to glom onto their new moms eagerly. Toddlers often have to be won over. He needs to see that you're there for him for the long haul. He's going to ask you to prove yourself to him before he gives you his heart.

My heart goes out to you and your family. I want you to succeed, and even more importantly, I want your children to succeed. All the best as you get this newest child settled into your home and family.

Mary, mom to many

Related Writing: What Newly Arrived Children Need