One of the things adopted kids can struggle with is recognizing just how much they have that is good. Granted, there is terrible loss mingled in there with the good stuff. I don't downplay that, and I do try to let my kids express that sad emotion.

But I think there is a difference between real grief and a nasty little complaining kick. When kids gripe endlessly about everything in their lives, I try to help them think of at least a few enjoyable things that they do have in their current life.

Often I will say, "Quick, name 5 things you're thankful for!" Usually with a little coaching they will be able to come up with something. Often the act of listing a few good things will tone down the complaining. A kid who continues to gripe after that will sometimes have to WRITE out their thankful list-- in complete sentences, with punctuation.

The other day my daughter in a fit of the grumps tried to tell me she was thankful for snakes. I made her think of something better. And I resolutely decided not to care that I was nowhere on the list. I told myself it was OK if she took awhile to recognize me as one of the good things in her life.

This week we started our Thankful Tree. It is actually just a tree branch with some smaller branches coming off it. I used the pruners to trim it into a nice tree-shape, and 'planted' it into a deep ceramic pot full of pebbles on our dining room table. Then it was time to add leaves.

We cut out construction paper leaves in different fall colors, and then wrote a blessing on each leaf and taped them onto the tree. Each family member came up with at least one blessing that first day. Our plan is to add a few new leaves every few days. Kids can list family (including first family), friends, food, toys, and whatever else they think of.

We did this project after a very difficult day with our new daughters. I wasn't sure they'd even be game to count blessings. But I was thrilled to see how they embraced this project, spending a long time decorating many leaves. Better yet, they EACH made a leaf listing mom and dad as people they were thankful for.

I truly believe the Veggie Tales song, 'A thankful heart is a happy heart'. Even though plenty of times my kids' lists include Game boys and gummy bears (and yes, the occasional snake) I think that activities like these help their hearts turn toward the good. I hope in the long run that they'll be happier people because of it.

Photo credit: MaryOwlhaven