In the past, most families who have flown to Ethiopia to adopt children have been able to take custody of their children as soon as they arrive. This makes sense: in general by the time families arrive in Ethiopia, the adoptions are already complete in Ethiopian courts.

However, recently some adoptive families have reported that at least one agency is currently requiring that parents stay in the agency-sponsored guesthouse if they wish to take custody of their children immediately and keep them the whole time they are in Ethiopia.

There are rumors that the Ethiopian Ministry of Women's Affairs is concerned about the high visibility of adoptive families in Ethiopia, and... more

A couple weeks ago my 5 year old ran to me crying, saying the bigger kids were teasing her. She was crying too much for me to sort out what had happened, so I called the kids in to figure it out. It seems that, inspired by listening to stories her new big sisters told about their Ethiopian mom, she'd been telling some stories about her own life in Ethiopia.

The problem is she left Ethiopia at age 20 months. The kids told her that she couldn't possibly really remember the things she was 'remembering' about her first mom. After listening to everyone, I concluded that the four kids involved (all adopted) weren't truly trying to be unkind-- they just wanted her to tell the truth.

"Do... more

Here are some news highlights from Ethiopia this week. I've included a summary of each piece. You can click on the title of each story to go read the full story. As always, links are only good for a few weeks, unless you subscribe to the news service.

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Ethiopia: Malnutrition Still Alarming

The Daily Monitor (Addis Ababa) 5 November 2007

New research conducted by Save the Children found that between one-third and two-thirds of children under age five in Ethiopia suffer from chronic malnutrition. Feeding a... more

In hashing over the various challenges of the first 3 months home with the girls, I've come up with a few things that I wish I'd handled a little differently. I'm not really beating myself up over it-- I think we've done a bunch of things right too. But I thought that writing about them might help other families who are preparing to bring home older children.

1.) I allowed rude 'telegraph-style' requests at the start. (For example: "Mom, salt!") I should have told them the very first time they demanded something that 'please'... more

Over a decade of being an adoptive mom, I've had lots of people ask how our older biological children have felt as we have brought each of our new children home. Our first adopted child came to us when our big kids were 10, 8, 6, and 4 years old. We were really excited about moving forward with adopting, and our excitement was contagious. Our kids laughed in delight right along with me when we tore open our referral packet and saw their new brother's face for the first time.

Each new child has come into our family to a similar welcome. In general our other children's adjustment to our newest children... more

In a post awhile back about 'true orphans' and living parents, I wrote about some of the reasons that might cause a living parent to relinquish a child. There were lots of thoughtful comments on this post, but I got a particularly insightful one from an Ethiopian woman who is now living in the United States. I thought this woman's perspective was valuable enough that I wanted to share it with those of you who haven't gotten back to read the comments on this post.

She told me that there is a very strong tradition of Ethiopian parents "giving up" their children to be raised by other people.... more

Sometimes kids can go through spells when all they seem to want to do is argue. You say a movie was fun, and he says, 'I didn't like it.' You admire your daughter's hat and she abruptly decides not to wear it.

When kids get on an oppositional kick, it can get so wearing that it is hard to know how to respond. The other day one of my daughters was having one of those days. I was getting ready to bake some pumpkin pie, and thought she'd be pleased.

"No pie," she said, wrinkling her nose. "I want cake."

I was disappointed that she didn't seem pleased about the pie. She'd loved it... more

One of the things adopted kids can struggle with is recognizing just how much they have that is good. Granted, there is terrible loss mingled in there with the good stuff. I don't downplay that, and I do try to let my kids express that sad emotion.

But I think there is a difference between real grief and a nasty little complaining kick. When kids gripe endlessly about everything in their lives, I try to help them think of at least a few enjoyable things that they do have in their current life.

Often I will say, "Quick, name 5 things you're thankful for!" Usually with a little coaching... more

A reader recently asked me what I thought was the most important thing to keep in mind when considering international adoption. I think what we really need to understand is that these kids have a past. They are not newborns with blank slates. Some of them have living family. Some have memories. Most have had times of sub-optimal care, where caregivers were inconsistent or unavailable.

These things leave their mark. Folks need to go into adoption with the knowledge that even infants will probably take a few months to settle in. Do some reading so you'll be prepared if your child resists... more

I stumble out groggily to the living room, intent on coffee and few minutes of quiet email before breakfast. The 6 youngest are already up, watching kids' shows on PBS. When my (home from Ethiopia in August) 12 year old spots me, she says, "Mom-- fire!" and then turns her attention back to the TV.

I understand that she is not yet speaking in complete sentences, but her imperious tone grates on my tired self. "What?!?" I say in a disbelieving tone.

Still staring at the TV, she repeats herself. "Make fire! I'm cold." She curls her 12 year old self into a more comfortable ball in the recliner and tucks the pillows around herself.

"You need to be nice to mom. I think... more