I've done a lot of thinking lately about kids who end up being adopted by a family in another country even though they have living relatives still in Ethiopia. Sometimes adoptive families feel so uncomfortable about that idea that they tell their agency that they want to adopt only 'true' orphans, kids who have no living family at all. That is certainly a legitimate choice, and I totally understand the feelings that lead families to make that choice.

However, I think that sometimes families do not fully understand how alone a child can be in the world even while in the care of a member of their extended family. Certainly there are uncles and grandparents who do a good job taking... more

One of the most challenging things about bringing home toddlers and preschoolers is that every second of your time seems to have been suddenly sucked into a black hole. Toddlers and preschoolers are energetic, inquisitive, and mobile. They make things happen. And woe to you if you're not watching them while they're making things happen. To stay safe, they need to play within the hearing and sight of the parents. The challenge is to keep an eye on kids and still find time to fold the laundry and fill the dishwasher. If the kids DVD's at your house are getting worn out, you may be ready to try an idea adapted from Montessori preschools.

“Play stations” are independent... more

Getting your child tested for TB is one of the most important things you can do to ensure your child's health after homecoming. Tuberculosis is an infectious disease that commonly affects the lungs of an infected person, but can infect any part of the body. It is very common in Ethiopia, which means our kids are ALL at high risk for having been exposed to TB.

TB is spread through the air when an infected person coughs. It first settles in the lungs. As the disease progresses it can spread to other parts of the body. People with TB are most likely to spread it to people they spend time with every day.

Adoptive families need to test their kids for TB exposure twice-- first,... more

Awhile back a mom was agonizing over her decision to return to work when her newly arrived 6 month old had been home just 4 weeks. Would her baby be able to attach to her in just 4 weeks? How would her absence 8 hours a day affect him?

I think she is smart to be asking these questions. Babies who have been home only four weeks are highly unlikely to have already formed a secure attachment to their parents. They may be beginning to get attached. But a primary caregiver's return to full-time work at this point is likely to seriously slow the attachment process.

I know that some women... more

As you might have been able to tell by some of my recent posts, I was psyched for some tough moments over Christmas. We had one, in the form of a stressed-out meltdown on the way to the church Christmas program. For awhile I was wondering if that child might need to sit with us and let another child speak her lines. But despite her case of nerves she was determined to be a part of the program. By the time her part came, she was smiling and on top of her game.

The rest of the holiday went amazingly well. Because... more

Someone emailed me recently sharing her concern over the way her toddler looked in his referral pictures. Every picture she got showed him looking forlorn, and she was starting to wonder if the child would be unhappy forever.

As adoptive parents we usually have very little information about the children we are planning to bring into our lives. Because of this, we'll often spend hours looking at the few pictures we get, trying to guess more about our children's character and temperament.

While waiting for our first Ethiopian daughter to come home, we got picture after picture of... more

Ten years ago at Christmas time I didn’t know if my husband and I would ever adopt. We’d been discussing adoption for months, but he just wasn’t sure it was the right thing for our family. We already had four children, after all. I talked, prayed, cried, worried, and wondered. And when it seemed he would not come around I tried to let go of the dream.

Ten years ago as Christmas approached I told my husband that all I wanted for Christmas was his fingerprints, the first step in the adoption process. He asked me if I wouldn’t... more

Thanks to the people who commented and let me know that my comment button is not actually broken! The winner of the book is Melissa (4givenagain). Will you please email me to tell me which book you would like?

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And now on to some recent adoption news. This has been a year of big change in international adoption. Due to slowdowns and rule changes in various countries, most notably in Russia, Guatemala, and China, there has been a tremendous increase in Ethiopian adoption.

An article at StarTelegram.com... more

Someone commented on my recent school post questioning how I could recommend keeping school-aged kids out of school during their first months homes. I thought this was an important question. Sometimes brevity can confuse, so here's my long answer.

First of all, I am in no way suggesting you bring the kid home and then do nothing with him. If I were a public-schooling mom opting to keep my newly arrived kids home for a semester, I would simply tell officials that I am homeschooling. Not all 'school' has to consist of workbooks... more

I've decided to start another ongoing post like my blogroll one. This one deals with something high on the interest list of any family currently in the adoption process. Just how long does it really take to adopt from Ethiopia? I hope that you will help answer that question by sharing your own statistics.

There are so many variables: the agency you use, the type of child you are requesting, the speed of your social worker, the competence of your local immigration office, and the amount of time you are... more