Attachment

This adoption program has definitely seen its ups and downs in the past couple of years. Yet, today is appears to have fully regained its footing and is on the right track. Having become a popular option for many of the families interested in adoption in the last couple of years, Ethiopia buckled a little under the immense pressure. That did not last long. Ethiopian adoptions are currently rising at a great rate. This is good for this country because the need is so pronounced. There are a staggering number of people in Ethiopia and poverty reigns. As I have said in the past, where there is poverty, the children will suffer. Ethiopia is such a place. There are a large number of… [more]

A very good friend sent me an article she found in a recent magazine. It was the story of a family that adopted three boys from Ethiopia. It was a very intense piece of written work. It was quite difficult to read because of issues that the family and their children went through. Two of the boys were adopted at older ages and carried with them the baggage of watching their parents die, taking care of younger children, and overwhelming poverty. Those are issues that do not leave a child when they step off an airplane into a new country and family. All of the stress and change brought distrust and anger to the surface. The new family struggled. They didn't understand. They got… [more]

Since school is out and all the summer activities have started (summer school, VBS, Scout Camp, etc.) I have felt like Ethiopia has gone to the wayside lately. We missed our monthly Ethiopian Adoptive Families group this month simply because we had had a long week and the kids needed some down time. I haven't cooked Ethiopian food in a while either. I did add some berbere to spaghetti the other night, when I couldn't find cayenne pepper in my pantry. It had quite a kick to it too! I am extremely happy that I have made reservations at an Ethiopian Culture Camp being put on by AbshiroKids.com this summer. I have talked about some of their products before on this blog… [more]

I had been nervous about learning how to do Mita and Enu's hair before I met them. When I discovered that Mita had a bad fungal infection on her scalp, with multiple encrusted and seeping scabs, my nervousness left me and I went into nurse mode! I quickly got treatment from our agency's Doctor. I learned that this is a common infection in group home settings and can be hard to keep under control. We started her on pills twice a day for six weeks. I also used a harsh dandruff-like shampoo on both Mita and Enu's hair for six weeks. Since Enu slept with Mita, I was trying to keep her from getting it as well. I kept hair brushes separate and… [more]

Often when you are helping a new child settle into your family, you will encounter a lot of negativity. You say up. The kid says down. You suggest the red shirt. He prefers the green one-- the one with the hole in it. You remind the child he liked a dish last time you served it. He swears it is the worst poison known to man. Eventually with consistent, steady consequences for misbehavior and lots of love, opposition does mellow out and kids do heal. However, at the height of the challenging behavior it can be extremely challenging to show smiling eyes and loving actions towards a child who is so obviously and incessantly veering towards conflict. It can… [more]

In her wonderful book Attaching in Adoption, Deborah Gray gave many great suggestions for helping kids attach well during their first year at home. Here are some of the points she mentions in her book. Spend lots of time every day nurturing your child The most important thing you are doing in your child's first year home is building trust. Stay with your child as much as possible. Be sensitive in meeting his needs. Respond quickly when he cries. Bottle-feed, rock to sleep, and make lots of eye contact. Feed him treats. Show your child he can depend on you. Once your child learns to trust, he can feel more secure as he ventures out to try new things. Play with your child Aim… [more]

Someone emailed me recently sharing her concern over the way her toddler looked in his referral pictures. Every picture she got showed him looking forlorn, and she was starting to wonder if the child would be unhappy forever. As adoptive parents we usually have very little information about the children we are planning to bring into our lives. Because of this, we'll often spend hours looking at the few pictures we get, trying to guess more about our children's character and temperament. While waiting for our first Ethiopian daughter to come home, we got picture after picture of a solemn, unhappy looking kid. Multiple adoptive families very kindly checked in on her as we waited. Out of all the… [more]

Our children have been taking swimming lessons for the past few weeks. I spend lesson time keeping an eye on my 3 year old in the baby pool. But I'm also able to watch my four older kids taking their swimming lessons. Our new girls approached swim lessons with a bit of anxiety, and hung close to me on that first day. But their teacher has done a great job of simplifying and clarifying his instructions. I’ve been pleased to see that they seem to be doing well and enjoying themselves. But there is another thing I’ve noticed during lessons. Often during the lessons my girls will look my direction to see if I am watching… [more]

Awhile back a mom was agonizing over her decision to return to work when her newly arrived 6 month old had been home just 4 weeks. Would her baby be able to attach to her in just 4 weeks? How would her absence 8 hours a day affect him? I think she is smart to be asking these questions. Babies who have been home only four weeks are highly unlikely to have already formed a secure attachment to their parents. They may be beginning to get attached. But a primary caregiver's return to full-time work at this point is likely to seriously slow the attachment process. I know that some women simply MUST go back to work. But if… [more]

I've been trying to figure out exactly what parts were the hardest during our first months home with older children. A friend told my husband, "Well, of course you're tired-- you just had twins! They're just 9 and 12." I really appreciated that validation -- no wonder I'd been feeling so frazzled. For us, the first month wasn't too tough. I was fresh, psyched to give the kids some leeway when it came to behavior, and their ups and downs weren’t as extreme. But by the time month two and month three rolled around, the kids weren't trying to impress us anymore, and their emotions were all over the place as they grieved. I was starting to get worn down. You’ve… [more]