It was May,1998 and we'd been waiting since February for the referral of a baby from Korea, and when I saw the agency's name on our Caller ID, I hollered for my husband, hoping this was THE call and not wanting him to miss it if it were, and as he hurried for the other phone, I answered breathlessly, and the social worker on the other end began speaking, sounding cheery, but deliberately low-key (probably in an attempt to mellow the wild hope vibrating in my voice), and she said she wanted to tell us about a couple of baby possibilities, and my heart shouted, 'this is IT!' and she began to tell us about a two month old baby boy, but the words were rushing past me so fast that I had to scribble... more

My 13 year old daughter and I are sitting in our hotel room with my newest daughter, a solemn toddler who has been staring at us big-eyed ever since she came to us two days ago, and we have been doing our best to ease her anxiety and sneak past her reserve and make her laugh, but she is understandably sober and watchful since her trusted caregivers have handed her off to strangers and disappeared, and the words out of our mouths make no sense to her at all, and we keep trying to feed her abominable things like cheerios and fruit snacks when all she wants is her dabo and her bottle,... more

We're at Heathrow airport in London, myself and my 13 year old and my 3 year old and my new 7 month old, and we just wish we could get on the next plane and be inching closer to home at 700 mph, but instead we have a seven hour layover here in the pit of...London, and we have little ones who've slept between Addis and London but we haven't, and the 3 year old is all energy and so we force our weary bodies to walk along the long hallways between gates while she burns off energy, and we pass a funny, open-topped smoking 'room' which corrals smokers like cattle but allows their smoke to float up and out into our faces, and as we go past one of the many hideously expensive little shops I stop... more

My teenaged daughter and I are walking off the airplane, finally, after 32 hours in transit from Ethiopia to home, and my new 1-1/2 year old daughter is slumped heavily asleep in a sling across my body, and we are so incredibly glad to be home, and the hallway to the arrivals area seems incredibly long and I wish I had the energy to walk faster, but we are tired and we each have bags to carry and so we plod along but as I get nearer and nearer I can feel myself waking up with the excitement and I cannot wait to show my husband his beautiful new little daughter and soon we see the end of the long hallway, with balloons bobbing and faces looking our direction and we walk faster as we see our... more

I'm sitting in a parked minibus in Addis with my napping baby while my family shops nearby market stalls with our driver, and as I wait a young boy comes to my open window, offering to sell me an umbrella for a very good price, and despite the overcast sky I'm not especially wanting an umbrella, so I say it's too expensive and he offers it for less, and less, and less, until finally he realizes I truly do not want an umbrella, and so he runs off to one of the market stalls and comes back instead with a necklace, a chunky carved wooden cross on a black string, and in spite of myself my eyes light up and even though I shake my head, it's too late- he knows I want it and so he stands there offering... more

I'm at the orphanage with my baby strapped to my chest and my 3 year old holding my hand and my 13 year old nearby playing soccer with a bunch of boys, and I've brought treats for the kids, balloons and bouncy balls and tiny plastic animals which an orphanage worker offers to hand out for me, and as I watch he orders the kids into a long pressing serpentine line, and portions out tiny treats into reaching hands, but afterwards I remember I haven't handed him the balloons, and so instead of bothering him, I stand by the brick wall at the edge of the playground and offer balloons to the smiling little children around me, and they accept them joyfully, but then a call goes out, and kids hurry... more

We're leaving our hotel in Addis to walk to eat lunch at a nearby restaurant, and the day is already warm, and we're enjoying the last moments of shade at the edge of the hotel property before stepping out onto the bright dusty main road, and as we walk onto the bridge past the security guards, they wave and smile as they do to all white people before getting back to the serious business of interrogating every black person in sight, and we pass them, and crossing the shaded bridge we spot a little waterfall in the distance, and smiling, we pause on the bridge to look over the edge towards the waterfall, but our smiles fade because the smell is not right and there is trash in the little river,... more

I'm walking down a dusty road in Addis, with my baby strapped to my chest, my 3 year old holding my hand, and my 13 year old loaded with packages from our successful shopping venture, when I spot the girl trudging along on the edge of the road next to us, and as I look curiously at her, taking in her tattered but neat clothes and wondering about her life, she looks at me and gives me a little smile, not missing a stride in her walking, and she is walking a little faster than us and as she begins to pass us, I see she's wearing a pair of pancake-thin flip flops, so worn out that as her heels lifts with each step I can see the holes worn clear through the cheap foam of each shoe, and I realize... more

February, 2004- Kidane Mehret Orphanage, Ethiopia

Unphotographable-- what is it?

I walk into a reeking concrete-walled room lined tight with cribs and I know my daughter is here, one of the little ones playing and sleeping and eating and crying and living within these walls, and in a minute I spot her on the changing table, in a frilly pink dress made for a 4 year old, and a paper diaper for probably the third time in her life, and sturdy high-top tennis shoes made for someone who has places to go, which she does, and so as they set her down, I go to... more

When I was in Ethiopia, there were lots of moment where I wished I had my camera but it wasn't convenient or seemed somehow disrespectful. I came home with many memories in my head that didn't get onto film, and frankly, had some regret that I wasn't braver with my camera.

This week while researching the Sheraton hotel, I stumbled across this mini-essay: Outside the Sheraton. There are several other essays on the site featuring Ethiopia, so you may enjoy checking more of the site out.

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