BAAS.org posted an article that I think is important reading for any parent adopting a child who has lived in an institutional setting. The article is called Short Circuits and gives some examples of some of the trauma that babies and young children often endure, and the long-lasting sequela that many families face because of it. From what I've heard, Ethiopian kids tend to have less damage than children adopted from orphanages in Russia or China. But it is a mistake for parents to assume that Ethiopian orphanages are utopia and that their children will not have issues.

Possibly the most talked-about problem that... more

Over my years of adoptive parenting, I have borrowed or bought a tall stack of adoption-related books. Adoption is such a broad topic and people's experiences and needs are so different that it is hard to get the majority of questions answered with just a book or two. A family adopting a Black newborn domestically is going to have different needs that one who is adopting a FAS-affected preschooler out of a Russian orphanage.

No one book can cover every issue, and that's okay. I personally think that we adoptive parents should strive to be as well informed as we possible can be, and in my mind that means reading -- a lot. However, I realize that not nearly everyone enjoys reading,... more

(This post was submitted as part of the Adoption Roundup over at Adventures in Daily Living. This week's theme is attachment)

After a new child comes home it can be tricky to figure out how to nurture both the new relationship with your child and the existing relationship with your partner. People these days tend to think that going out on dates with your spouse is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Our society also places a tremendously high value on independent children.

Because of that, new moms sometimes feel pressured to have time away from their newly arrived... more

John and I keep finding ourselves talking about our first meeting with our girls. What do we do? Should I kiss them once on the cheek American-style, or 3 times, alternating cheeks like Ethiopians do? Will a big bear hug from John scare them? John joked that to find out what their reaction might be, he ought to just go up to the next little girl he sees in the mall and hug her. We laughed at the ridiculous sound of that idea, but what we are asking of these new girls of ours is not terribly different.

After we get through the first moment of exclamation and rejoicing and hugging (whether they participate or not) what comes next? Will we find things to say? Will they talk back... more

Recent rumors about Angelina Jolie claim that she is currently in the process of adopting a little boy from the Czech Republic. In the past I've shared that I'm a fan of Angelina. I’m all for adoption. I’m all for big families. And certainly she has the financial resources to pull this off. We'll see if there's any truth to the stories currently circulating. But if it's true, this adoption seems very close on the heels of the adoption of her son Pax from Vietnam.

Kids take time to settle into families. Preschoolers are especially challenging. They’re old enough to... more

How do you write a letter to a child you’ve never met? A child who is going to come into your family deserves more than the dry facts you'd share with a 4th grade pen pal. And yet what do you say?

If you mention the swimming pool in the back yard, will she imagine the pool at the Hilton instead of what's stacked in heaps in front of Walmart every May?

If you talk about the room she will share with two sisters, will she wonder why on earth you decided to adopt her if she couldn’t have a room of her own?

If you mention home schooling, will she worry that your... more

A couple years ago an adoptive family that I know came up with a really fun way to help their waiting child imagine herself in her new life and her new family. They chose a good picture of the child they were expecting to come home, and with the help of a copy store, they blew the photo up to life-size.

They cut out the photo of their child and mounted it on heavy cardboard. Then they posed the life-sized photo of their child in various places in the house: in the child's new bedroom, at the table, in a group shot with her new family, and in other places that the child would be once she was home.

These photos went into the child's album and were sent to Ethiopia in the... more

We get to do something new this adoption. We get to pack welcome bags for children who are old enough to really pore over the contents and begin to feel like they have a relationship with us. I'm not sure if every agency does welcome bags, but I think it is just an awesome idea.

Our agency asks that everything we send fit into a gallon ziplock. It is requested that we send a t-shirt. We are including a digital camera for each of our daughters, so they can take pictures of their friends and their lives at Layla House. I'll label the cameras with our name and address, and with any luck, we'll get them back before our kids come home.

Most people also send a small photo album... more

Now that my husband and I are planning an older child adoption, we've found ourselves wondering just how those first days and weeks home with virtual strangers will feel. What is the best way to ease older children into their new family? How can we encourage bonding?

Affection

We've had lots of discussions and have come up with at least a short list of ideas. First of all, as I've discussed regarding younger children, we intend to begin as we will continue. We'll hug and kiss them right from the start, even if it feels a little awkward. Shoulder bumps, tickling, and mini-hugs are part of our plan. Keep it brief and keep it playful, especially if the children... more

Dear Angelina,

You and I just missed each other in Ethiopia in the summer of 2005. I left Ethiopia with my Bisunesh about three weeks before you got there to pick up your Zahara. Like a gazillion other adoptive moms, I've been fascinated to read the blow-by-blow accounts of your adoptions.

I know that you and I are different in a hundred ways, but when I see you trekking around town with one of your babies in a sling, I feel like we have a kinship. I've been thinking about this latest adoption of yours-- your sweet little Pax who's had to wait so long for a mom. Every kid should have a mom, and I am glad he finally has one.

Whenever I see pictures of you, you're... more