A recent study by the University of Columbia found that 85% of parents believe that it’s important to tell their kids that they’re smart. The popular wisdom goes that the more you praise a child, the more self-confident and happy he will be. No one wants their kids to think they’re dumb.

And so we praise kids for the smallest hint of a talent at anything. But does this tactic really make for more confident children? Does it really encourage kids to maximize their potential? As it turns out, no. Some of the most highly intelligent kids are bafflingly lacking in confidence, so much so that they will only try things that they are completely confident that they will be able to do well.

Studies... more

The author of Life in Fitzville emailed me and asked me to check this out.

Is your mouth hanging open? Mine is.

Steamed? I sure am.

What will my kids think when they see some idiot parading around in this shirt? What will your kids think? And what about the people who don't know much about adoption? Will they think adoption is a choice that honors people's lives?

Adopting is about people.

Adopting is about... more

I've got some good links for you today. Especially don't miss the last one.

An adoptive mom who is new to blogging did an excellent job of answering some of the most common questions that we as adoptive families get. I wanted to point out her post for those of you who are still working on formulating answers to common questions. The Earley Journey: Your Questions, Our Answers

You might want to keep a close eye on Avery's blog for the next week or two. I'm not sure he'll be blogging from Addis, but he and his wife Heather, the... more

One of my least favorite comments to get from anyone is the comment, "You're such a saint!"

The inference, of course, is that it would take someone really amazing to decide to adopt a crew of kids.

I know people mean well. They want to compliment adoptive parents and acknowledge we are doing something special. But that comment makes me uneasy. I am all too aware of my flaws and my impatient moments. If adoption truly required sainthood, then our social workers should not have approved us. Saints we are not. We are just normal people with good intentions and a desire for a child.

But I have another beef with that comment. I can't help but feel that people are also... more

Motherhood is the biggest guilt trip ever invented. We feel guilty if our babies cry too much, or if they're not sleeping well, or if our two year olds still take a bottle. We feel guilty if our kids get hurt, or sick, or if we lose our tempers, or if they're slow to read, or if they play X-Box too much, or eat too many Pringles.

I'm used to guilt assailing me at odd moment. Not comfy with it, mind you...but I have come to expect it. In fact, I've come to realize I am especially vulnerable right after I climb into bed for the night. That's when I start mentally whipping myself because I grouched at my 15 year old, or missed playing Uno with my 4 year old, or forgot to check my... more

John and I are thrilled to announce that we are gearing up for another round of adoption from Ethiopia! We're hoping to end up with two more little boys. We haven't quite decided whether to add them one by one or to get brave and request a sibling group.

But we've got a little time to think; we are planning to wait till at least the end of the year to get going. This is partly to give our current 'baby', age two, a bit more time as the youngest, and partly to allow more time to save money and work on our house. I'm dreaming of double washer-dryers, and maybe even one more bedroom....but we'll see.

While dreaming about the future the other day, John told me that... more

Last year I stumbled across Meskel Square by Andrew Heaven, a journalist who lives in Addis. I find his insights into Ethiopian culture interesting. The other day I noticed a fair number of hits from his site over to mine and wandered on over to check it out. I found a whole story on the phenomenon of adoptive parents blogging about Ethiopian adoption. He's added a new section to his blogroll, and some of you are on that list too! read more | digg it

I wanted to let you all know that Brooke and Daryn are on their way to Ethiopia to get their son Anteneh, and they are hoping to be able to blog from Addis. (Goody, goody!!) Check out their blog and read all about their trip.

Also, if you haven't already, go congratulate Avery and Heather. They've had an unusually long adoption process, but their case FINALLY got through court!! I'm so thrilled for them!

The other evening my little girls and I had the fun of attending a baby shower in honor of a baby who will soon be home from Ethiopia. Except for the adoptive mom and my sister, it was a big room full of strangers. Friendly strangers, but still strangers. My daughters were the only Black people in the room.

People oohed and ahhed in a friendly way over how cute they were, and of course asked questions. How old they were at homecoming? Is their hair hard to do? Are they sisters? (By the way, that last question? I've just started saying YES! with a big smile. No explanation.) Anyway, suffice it to say, we were getting a fair bit of attention.

Partway through the evening,... more

I wrote a post the other day asking for feedback about the blog. I got some great comments-- thanks so much for the encouragement and the ideas. This blog tends to be rather quiet, comment-wise. I can't tell you how encouraged I have been by the huge flurry of comments in the past few days. It makes it so much more fun for me to actually get feedback on the various posts. Keep it up, OK? And finally, the winners of the contest (drawn from a bowl by my 15 year old son) are jen and zeldanzoe. I have a couple a packets of hair snaps for each of you. Email... more