When parents think of adopting older kids, they often feel sad at the realization that they will miss so much of the child's life. They won't get to see their first steps or hear their first words. However, I've discovered that 'firsts' are actually some of the neatest things about adopting older kids.

Yesterday we went to the fair with our whole crew, and our new girls had a day full of firsts. Of course there was the food. Blooming onions were a hit with the younger girl, but not the older. Both girls loved the snow cones. And once they got over the initial strangeness of cotton candy, they both loved that too.

We spent quite awhile in the small animal display,... more

That first morning with our new girls in Ethiopia I made instant oatmeal for breakfast. The nine year old came to the breakfast table, raised her eyebrows, then said “I no eat”. I couldn't help but wonder if this was only the beginning of months of picky eating.

Since that unfortunate beginning, I have learned that my girls are actually good eaters. They almost always will take at least a small taste of unfamiliar foods. (In my opinion that is half the battle.) And usually when they taste things, they discover they like them just fine. However, I have deliberately done several things... more

I thought it might be interesting to list some of the things that have amazed and delighted our girls since we met them in Addis.

They've discovered that although businessmen sometimes do fall on escalators, with much briefcase and suitcoat-flapping, it is possible to ride an escalator without trauma. It is best to watch at least 5 steps as they pass to properly gauge speed before jumping on, however.

They have ridden bikes for the first time. They've seen their first acres-wide new-car lot and their first car transport trailer and their first garage door opener. They've learned to play the piano-- half a dozen songs in the case of the 11-year old. They've learned how... more

We all want our children to grow up caring about others and to interact with others in a loving and appropriate way. Children who have been through great trauma in their own lives sometimes have a deeper understanding of the challenges others face and can demonstrate that with an unusually sensitive way of interacting.

Other children become so wounded by their own pain that they try to wall themselves off from their own feelings. This disconnect from their own sadness can leave children less sensitive to the feelings of others. Our challenge as adoptive parents is to help our children connect to their own feelings. This will help our children work through their own feelings, as... more

You have three days before you travel to the other side of the world to bring home two school-aged girls who are total strangers, and yet they are your children. You exist in a whirl of things you need to do before you can finally leave. You're not only preparing for a trip halfway across the world but you're preparing to bring two children home!

There are too many things to do. There are things to do at home for your other children and their caregivers. There are things to buy, and never all at the same store. There are things to scrub, with each clean item bringing to mind another to scrub. There are things to bag and never enough bags. There are things to bring and luggage... more

Almost all kids have points during childhood when sadness gets to them. Adopted kids can at times struggle with their emotions even more. Not only do they have all the normal stresses of childhood, but they also have the added questions and issues that come with adoption. Even the most well adjusted adopted kid can wonder about the reasons for their relinquishment, and fear that maybe they caused their birth parent to give them up somehow.

Some sadness passes in a few days. Other sadness is deep and long lasting, and can be very concerning to both child and parent. According to teendepression.org, here are some signs that... more

Nesting in expectant moms is normal, but if you are planning an older child via adoption, prepare for turbo-nesting. At least that's what older child adoption has done for me! My girls are 9 and 11, and my case of nesting started innocently enough. I cleaned our girls’ room, bought them new pillows, repainted a dresser, washed and sorted clothes, and filled their dresser. Normal stuff.

But then I started imagining how our house might look to someone who'd never seen it before. Suddenly all I could see was cobwebs in rafters and weeds in flowerbeds. The woodpile looked like a giant had... more

I've crossed the line. I am now an older parent. I survived my 40th birthday in June, mainly by thinking of it as just my birthday and pushing aside the thought that I am now in my 40’s. I remember my husband taking his 30th birthday really hard and not quite understanding what the big deal was. But I have to confess that I’m still adjusting to the thought of being an older parent. Whenever I remember that I’m 40, I hum and stick my fingers in my ears. (That’s adjusting, right?)

One of the things that hit me on my birthday is how long I’ve been parenting. On my 20th birthday I was 2 months pregnant with our first child. On my 30th birthday I had four little children, ages... more

The other day Anita, a mom who just adopted a child from Ghana, blogged about the dilemma of finding out that your child has a sibling who has not yet been adopted. In a case like this, an adoptive family can feel tremendous pressure to adopt the child who remains behind.

Sometimes this does work out to be possible. I know of two families right now who are in the process of adopting the teenaged siblings of Ethiopian children they've already brought home. Since both of these children were older, they had to get bone age tests done before the paperwork could begin.

This is to meet a requirement of... more

This evening I was lying next to my 2 year old trying to get her to to sleep. My head was buzzing with things I had to do, and my body was ready to spring back into action the moment she nodded off. I tried to think peaceful thoughts, tried to relax my breathing, so that my daughter would go to sleep quickly. But she was wiggly, talking and flipping and flopping, as if she felt the breeze from my whirling brain. And so I lay there snuggling her and thinking about this coming month, wondering what it will hold for our family. For a moment I wanted to fast-forward a bit, to the place where I have all my loved ones together in one place, even our new daughters.

But... more