If you’ve read a few books about adoption, you may have heard of the phenomenon called the honeymoon. The term refers to the time right after a your child comes home, when things are going so smoothly that you feel practically euphoric. Finally you have your child in your arms. The waiting is done. Now you can get on with your life.

The child's behavior contributes greatly to the feeling of honeymoon also. Often a newly arrived older child will have a time on his best behavior. Whatever mom and dad say is fine. The new toys are great. Siblings are wonderful. He even may eat food in the first days that you later learn he dislikes-- all in an effort to be endearing to you.

The... more

I think every parent waiting for a child to arrive has moments when they wonder if they are truly up to the task of bringing a new child into the family. Will the child settle in well? Will you get to sleep all night ever again? How will you keep up with the things that need to be done, when chances are you feel like you are barely keeping up with them now?

In the process of bringing home ten children, four via birth and six via adoption, here are some of my best tips for simplifying those first few months of adjustment time after your child comes home.

1. Lower your standards, at least when it comes to housekeeping. Decide on which top 3 tasks you will try to keep... more

I saw the Four Things meme over on a friend's blog and thought that it might be fun to remake the meme a bit so that it would apply to adoption. If you feel like answering these questions on your blog, let me know in the comments section, below. Or give your own answers right in my comments, if you'd like.

Four things I thought about adoption when I was a child -- I imagined it might be cool to be adopted by someone really rich (you know, in those moments when my mom wouldn't spring for those Calvins I had my eye on) -- I imagined what I'd do if someone left a baby on my doorstep... more

One of the things that I didn't give a lot of thought to before our girls came home was the issue of contact with family and friends. I assumed I'd be glad to have the girls keep in touch with any extended family, and I thought it would be neat if they could speak with friends on the phone from time to time.

When our girls got home, I was thrilled when they received their first call from a Layla House friend. Their faces glowed, and it was such fun to hear them chattering away in Amharic. What a great way to keep their language!

What I didn't fully comprehend was how many friends they have. Our phone was ringing nearly every day for them. Sometimes 2 or 3 kids would... more

I talked in a previous post about the importance of teaching new children the rules of the family. However, I'm first to admit that it is much easier to explain rules than to motivate children to follow them.

The trick is to help the children care about rules. This is where the concept of ‘units of concern’ come in. Basically, you are trying to help your kids care about following the rules. You want them to be motivated to do things your way, and you can do this by setting up rewards and consequences.

For example, if a child is slow getting his or her homework done, instead of sitting at his... more

When new children come home, of course the primary goal is to help them settle in and become well attached. However if you adopt a child over the age of toddlerhood, it becomes quickly apparent that children also need to learn to fit in and cooperate as a part of the family. They need to learn the expectations in your family.

Different families have different expectations. At first the longing to have your new children like you can make it tempting to not insist on anything in the way of good behavior. In the first weeks it is wise to major in the majors. You may choose to ignore poor table manners for a few weeks or not insist on PJ’s every night or let go any number of other... more

Overall, I would have to say that our girls are settling in happily and becoming gradually more predictable. I am becoming more familiar with their behavior, and am starting to get a feel for what motivates them and what helps them settle down and what brings a smile to their eyes. But still, the emotions can be all over the place in a single day, and that can be very wearing.

One minute a child will be writing 'I love mom' notes. Ten minutes later the same kid can be stomping off in a huff because I had the audacity to ask her to vacuum the living room. It takes constant on-your-feet thinking and creative problem-solving. And yet I must also still holding a line and be clear... more

After reading this post about parenting powerful children quite a few people were curious to know what consequences I have found to be helpful in encouraging good behavior in children. One of my guiding principles when it comes to consequences is that I need to make the misbehavior more of a pain in the neck than the behavior I want to encourage. One of the easiest ways to make disobedience less rewarding is the give extra work when you spot kids doing what they shouldn't.

For example, when I'm training kids to fold their own laundry, I first make sure they throughly understand the job and can... more

After reading this post about parenting powerful children quite a few people were curious to know what consequences I have found to be helpful in encouraging good behavior in children. I'll be sharing specific ideas later today, but I wanted to start with some of the prep work that will help you be more successful in motivating your kids.

First of all, make sure your expectations for behavior are clear. At our house we have three main rules: -- Respect mom and dad -- Be kind to your siblings -- Work hard and be cheerful about it

Along with those, of course we have various... more

I find that I am feeling constrained in my blogging lately. I could be sharing the blow-by-blow daily minutia of older-child adjustment, and there are times every day where I begin mentally composing a story. However I am very concerned that as I write I not take away my children’s dignity or their privacy. I certainly would not want everyone and their neighbor to know every time I descend into the pits of unhappiness, (yes, indeed I do at times.)

I fear that if I blogged everything about my girls there might be a time (not too distant from now) when they might get curious about the writing I do, and be embarrassed by what I have disclosed. Somehow it feels different to talk... more