Before I ever knew we would not always be adopting babies-- actually, before I knew we would even adopt at all -- I began a photo wall to display pictures of our babies. It climbs the staircase from our living room to the upstairs bedrooms. The wall features two pictures of each child, one a baby picture and the other a recent photo. After we had four children by birth, we began adopting babies. Our oldest two adopted babies were 20 months on homecoming. I was thrilled to realize that the tradition would still work. Because I'd chosen to feature a toddler photo instead of a newborn one, their pictures fit right in on the wall with the other kids. For years I've loved that lineup of baby... more

Lots of people are familiar with postpartum depression, the depression that strikes women in the first year or so after giving birth. But fewer people are aware that adoptive mothers can experience something similar after new children come home.

The adoption process can be a roller-coaster. So much focus is on the future, when this new child will finally be here, that mothers are often surprised when the reality does isn't quite like they imagined it would be. Even experienced parents can be left reeling, especially if the child takes a while to settle in or resists bonding at first.

An ... more

I haven't written much about hair in awhile, so I thought I'd share a recent hairdo that turned out especially good on my 5 year old daughter. I did a bunch of cornrows that began at a center part, and then went diagonally backwards to two low ponytails, one behind each ear.

I still struggle with keeping the front edge of the hair in the braids, because she has a lot of short hair at that front edge. But one nice thing about this particular do was that it was easy to freshen up the look of the hairdo by redoing just the two braids at the front hairline when they got fuzzy in 3-4... more

I've been doing a lot of talking this week about grief and loss. I'm sure some folks are thinking this is overkill. I've been there. Especially when you're at the start of the adoption process, it can be overwhelming to read about the issues that adoptees might face. We want our kids to be happy, and we want adoption just to be another great way to build a family.

I think y'all know by now that I am a passionate advocate for adoption. As I mother both the children who were born to me and the children whom I was blessed to be able to adopt, I can say without reservation that the adopted children are just as gratifying to parent, and that I feel just as much their mother. They... more

Recently I blogged about grief, and the importance of talking with our kids about adoption-related issues. I just recently had a conversation with my daughter that again pointed out the surprising things that can be perking around in the head of even the most well-adjusted child.

The other evening I went in the bedroom to tuck my 5 year old into bed. She was sitting up in bed, tucking her dolls into the space next to her.

“This one is the mom of these ones,” she said, pointing to her lone white dolly... more

I wrote earlier about adoptees and the possibility for lifelong grief issues. There may be a lull of 6 months or a year where they don't ask any questions or mention their birth family. Then they may think about it lots for several months, and ask lots of questions. But not all children ask questions spontaneously.

Be aware of your own feelings.

Often I hear parents say that their kids aren't interested in talking about birth family or their feelings about being adopted. For some children that may actually be true. But many children will be relieved if parents open doors... more

Many people would be quick to agree that children who have been adopted experience grief. Older children are perhaps most conscious of what they have lost, since they have memories of living parents and the life they left. Preschoolers’ memories may be confused and chaotic-- snippets of a past that no longer makes sense because not enough of it is remembered. Emotions may be triggered at odd times and the triggers may be impossible to trace. Was it a smell, a sound, or something they saw?

Even infants have experienced loss. It doesn’t matter whether they lived with their birth mom for a day or a year. A baby becomes accustomed to his mother’s voice in utero, and the loss of... more

Lots of people wonder which shots are necessary for Ethiopia. Most people will need to an international immunization nurse to get shots for Ethiopia. Check with your county health department to find out where the international travel nurse is located in your area.

Keep in mind that most insurance companies view international travel as optional and will not cover the cost for most international vaccines. If you get the full complement of recommended shots, you can come away with a bill of $500 or more.

John and I talked over our options ahead of time, and so he already had an idea of which shots he wanted to get. The nurse that we talked with was very helpful. She said that... more

The other day I came across a post by A New Flower Blooms. In it she shares the idea that international transracial adoption is the 5th best option for children. The idea seems to have come from Jane Brown, a social worker and mom to eight children, five of whom arrived via adoption.

Here's the general idea. #1 The best option for a child is to live with birth family #2 Second best is to be raised by extended family. #3 Third is to be raised by a person of their own race in their own country. #4 Fourth would be to be raised in own country by a different race person. #5... more

A group of Ethiopian parents in North Texas have joined together to create a unique educational program for their children. It is called Kidmia. In Amharic, Kidmia means “priority.” It is also an acronym for “Kids are the most important asset.”

Kidmia was formed to give first-generation American children in-depth knowledge of Ethiopian language and culture. Through Kidmia, parents provide schooling and cultural training to youngsters in weekly classes held at a local church.

The families put together this program to encourage... more