The other day when my husband and I were preparing to head off on our get-away, our new kids were noticeably antsy. First of all, they didn’t seem familiar with the idea of parents taking off and doing something alone. We have gone on three or four dates since they got home. But this overnight thing was puzzling to them, and despite their excitement over a planned sleepover at Grandma's, they were also concerned.

Our teenaged daughter tried to help us reassure them that we'd be home soon and that they’d be fine in the meantime. She reminded them that we’d been away from the rest... more

One of the most challenging things about bringing home toddlers and preschoolers is that every second of your time seems to have been suddenly sucked into a black hole. Toddlers and preschoolers are energetic, inquisitive, and mobile. They make things happen. And woe to you if you're not watching them while they're making things happen. To stay safe, they need to play within the hearing and sight of the parents. The challenge is to keep an eye on kids and still find time to fold the laundry and fill the dishwasher. If the kids DVD's at your house are getting worn out, you may be ready to try an idea adapted from Montessori preschools.

“Play stations” are independent... more

Getting your child tested for TB is one of the most important things you can do to ensure your child's health after homecoming. Tuberculosis is an infectious disease that commonly affects the lungs of an infected person, but can infect any part of the body. It is very common in Ethiopia, which means our kids are ALL at high risk for having been exposed to TB.

TB is spread through the air when an infected person coughs. It first settles in the lungs. As the disease progresses it can spread to other parts of the body. People with TB are most likely to spread it to people they spend time with every day.

Adoptive families need to test their kids for TB exposure twice-- first,... more

Someone commented on my recent school post questioning how I could recommend keeping school-aged kids out of school during their first months homes. I thought this was an important question. Sometimes brevity can confuse, so here's my long answer.

First of all, I am in no way suggesting you bring the kid home and then do nothing with him. If I were a public-schooling mom opting to keep my newly arrived kids home for a semester, I would simply tell officials that I am homeschooling. Not all 'school' has to consist of workbooks... more

As an experienced homeschooling mom, I've written posts and given advice privately to families wondering how to begin school with newly arrived children. I dispensed the majority of the advice ... ahem... before I'd actually adopted older kids. It turns out my ideas were partly right and partly wrong.

My instinct that it would be best to start slowly was definitely right. But I didn't have a true grasp of just how slowly to go. My idea of slow was not nearly slow enough for our new girls.

I began homeschooling a month after they arrived. I felt that I was beginning with fairly... more

I got an e-mail from a mom who had the good fortune of meeting some of her baby's extended family while in Ethiopia. She was grateful for the opportunity but came away from the meeting confused. The info that the agency had initially shared about her child didn't jive with what the extended family was saying. Her biggest question surrounded the children in the family. Were they actually siblings to her child? Or cousins?

She wrote me because she was concerned about how to handle this unclear information as her child grew. She wants to be able to tell her child the truth about his past, especially... more

An issue that adoptive families often face when their children begin school is the dreaded family tree project. Typically a school will send home a request for family information so that each child can construct his or her own genealogy, or family tree.

When a child has been adopted domestically and knows or has contact with some of his birth family, many families choose to add the known birth family into the family tree, right along with the adoptive parents. Many parents of internationally adopted children, however, know nothing about the child's... more

A couple weeks ago my 5 year old ran to me crying, saying the bigger kids were teasing her. She was crying too much for me to sort out what had happened, so I called the kids in to figure it out. It seems that, inspired by listening to stories her new big sisters told about their Ethiopian mom, she'd been telling some stories about her own life in Ethiopia.

The problem is she left Ethiopia at age 20 months. The kids told her that she couldn't possibly really remember the things she was 'remembering' about her first mom. After listening to everyone, I concluded that the four kids involved (all adopted) weren't truly trying to be unkind-- they just wanted her to tell the truth.

"Do... more

In hashing over the various challenges of the first 3 months home with the girls, I've come up with a few things that I wish I'd handled a little differently. I'm not really beating myself up over it-- I think we've done a bunch of things right too. But I thought that writing about them might help other families who are preparing to bring home older children.

1.) I allowed rude 'telegraph-style' requests at the start. (For example: "Mom, salt!") I should have told them the very first time they demanded something that 'please'... more

African hair in general is delicate. Adopted children who have periods of poor nutrition and less than optimal hair care will often come home with damaged hair. But whether a child comes home with a little hair or a lot of hair, it can sometimes be hard for parents to decide to cut their child's hair.

Little girls My daughter who came home at the age of 20 months has extremely delicate, very damaged hair. The damage was the worst in the middle of the back of her head-- you know, the typical place where baby hair gets broken off, leaving a bald spot.

At first when she came... more