It is extremely normal for adopted kids to need to cycle thru their grief and their issues over and over again. There may be a lull of 6 months or a year where they don't ask any questions or mention their birth family.

Then they may think about it lots for several months, and ask lots of questions.   Whether or not your child sees it as an issue, it IS a part of his life.   I think the more open and accepting we as adoptive parents are, the more likely they are to always bring their feelings and concerns to us. 

They say that even kids who do not mention birthmom ARE thinking of her at times, so from time to time (a few times a year), even if my kids don't talk about it,... more

For lots of parents, the answer to this question is a no-brainer. For parents of Ethiopian children, it may be more complicated. Many Ethiopian children are found by strangers and brought into care. And even if a child is brought in by a family member, often they won't know exactly how old the child is since birthdays in Ethiopia are not as big a deal as they are in the US.

This leaves orphanage workers the difficult task of guessitimating a child's age. Making it even more difficult is the fact that many kids are malnourished and/or delayed due to impoverished family circumstance and... more

Got a picture of my daughter a few weeks ago. Christmas lights twinkle in the background. She’s playing at the kitchen counter all decked out in her silver and blue princess dress and tiara, surrounded by at least a dozen jars of fresh new Play-Doh. Christmas loot, all.

Her face, glowing from the reflection of camera flash on glittery finery, wears the automatic smile of a child whose mother whips out the camera several times a day.

Indeed, in her less than 2 years home, she’s easily had hundreds of pictures taken of her. More pictures in a week probably than she’d have had in her whole... more

This afternoon the one year old was having trouble with low-riding pants. Dad, in the spirit of helpfulness, grabbed her pants at the waistband on each side, and picked her up, intending to jiggle her back down into her pants. He’d forgotten, however, where her center of gravity was. As he lifted her jeans at the hips, her upper body pivoted forward and downward. Clunk, onto the floor she went, right on her nose.

We stood there shocked for a second. The baby’s eyes went immediately to my face, gauging what her reaction should be. I read her look, quickly realized I wanted her to laugh over this instead of cry, and let loose the chuckle that was already in my throat. As... more

After writing the above post, I was thinking more about the topic of emotional resilience and how it affects our adopted children. Also rolling around in my head were some of the comments people sharing on the grocery store gauntlet. The two topics combined got me thinking what the most emotionally healthy response to adoption issues might be.

Certainly keeping our own good humor when dealing with others is crucial. Modeling nastiness and hostility to strangers can only hurt our kids and their reactions to life in the long run.

But just as telling, perhaps, is how we speak about those people... more

Nancy wrote a thoughtful post over on the Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog yesterday.

I think sometimes adoptive parents are afraid to see that their kids might have issues. Maybe they see attachment disorder as a forever diagnosis rather than something that often can be worked through IF we are willing to face up to it and do the tough work. I know it took me awhile to see the truth with one of mine.

This child, who arrived home at 20 months, had definite issues that thankfully now we have overcome. It took me a good 3 months to face up to what was going on in the attachment department,... more

To my precious daughter:

Today I read a story in A Treasury of Adoption Miracles of a girl who got to meet her birthmom. She was 22 years old, and had prayed most of her life that she would be able to meet her. And then she did. Suddenly and unexpectedly. And her life was never the same. Or so I imagined, though the story did not go beyond the meeting.

I found myself crying. Crying because you will never have the gift that this girl had --- the gift of meeting the woman in whose life you began. We know so little about your beginnings--it is unlikely we’d ever... more