Sometimes we as adoptive parents like to see adoption as a clean and perfect thing. We want a child. A child needs a family. Put the two together and you have a perfect solution. It's all good, right?

If you've read me more than a few days, you know how pro-adoption I am. Adoption is indeed a great solution for families who want children and children who need parents. I believe that there was a divine plan that brought these future daughters of ours to our attention after their mother died.

However, I get a lot less comfy with the words 'meant to be' when I think about the tragedy that brought them to us. If I say that our girls were meant to come to us, am I also... more

(Reminder: Don't forget the Rosetta Stone petition, if you haven't weighed in already. Thanks!!)

One of the things that adoptive families run up against as soon as they get their referral is the question of how much of the child's history to disclose to friends and extended family. It can seem really natural to share all the details that you have with interested loved ones, especially if your child is very young on homecoming. However it is wise to think carefully about how much you will disclose.

Your... more

Here's a good post from jayme and jon's adoption blog: past, present, and what could have been.

Also if you haven't yet read There is No Me Without You (and are not utterly sick of me talking about it) don't miss this excerpt featured at Adoptive Families The Only Thing He Brought.

I came across an amazing article at Rainbowkids.com. A Different Perspective gives a glimpse into the emotions a little child must feel when he comes into a new adoptive family.

If more parents understood the extreme stress a little one faces when coming into a new family, I think they'd be a little more patient with tantrums and slow adjustment. Grieving and settling in take time.

DOn't miss this article. Whether or not you agree 100% with the analogy, the viewpoint is enlightening.

Many children adopted past infancy fear that their new parents will get sick and die. The first time I got sick after my then-2 year old came home, she was deeply worried. She kept trying to make me sit up and get up off the couch. My illness was obviously bringing back some terrible memories. I know almost nothing about her past, but her behavior convinced me that her birth mom had been ill.

Recently there was a good discussion about this on our agency's parent e-group, and several moms graciously agreed to let me share their comments here.

Gigi shares this story about her children:

My kids age 6 & 4 have the most macabre, fatalistic onversation I... more

In the months since I began blogging, I have read a lot of blogs. From time to time I will go on a kick where I read a bunch of blogs written by adoptees, and then for awhile I don't. Adoptee blogs, you see, bring a lot of emotion and angst to the surface for me.

I am so deeply invested in my children that it is very hard to read aboout adoptees struggling to process their past. There's a lot of pain out there. Anger. Resentment. Sadness.

When I imagine my children questioning and dealing with such intense emotions about adoption sometime down the road, it is deeply unsettling to me. I don't want my children to feel stolen or robbed. I long for them to be content.... more

Karen over at the Adoption Search Blog has written an excellent post titled: Twenty Things I Wish Adoptive Parents Knew.

Sometimes we adoptive parents are so enraptured by the 'miracle' of adoption as we see it that we don't even think about the tremendous loss it is to the child. Or maybe we would just rather not think about it. But for the emotional well being of our children we need to be willing to face the fact: not being able to grow up with your birth family is a tremendous... more

Ethiopia is one of the countries where older children are available for adoption as well as infants. Adopting older children adds new challenges for the adoptive parent. For awhile it can also can make life more challenging for already-existing siblings in the adoptive family.

It is important to keep the lines of communication open with your existing kids, so that you can prepare them for possible challenges they may face, and to keep the relationship strong.

Kids in an adoptive family, due to the circumstances of the new child's adoption, may suddenly be aware that not all children are able to live with their birth parents until adulthood. They may need reassurance from... more

A friend found this picture of the Sodo area of Ethiopia and was moved to tears. You see, her baby was found on a busy road in this very area of Ethiopia. When she saw this picture, she realized she could be looking at the very place her child was found.

The place where, after caring for her child for over a year, the birth mother came to the desperate moment where she had to set the child down and walk away. I find it staggeringly sad to consider that moment. And though all of our children were not left in a road, most of them had that moment-- the moment where the birth mother had to... more

Lots of people are familiar with postpartum depression, the depression that strikes women in the first year or so after giving birth. But fewer people are aware that adoptive mothers can experience something similar after new children come home.

The adoption process can be a roller-coaster--such a time of looking forward to this new child's coming--that the reality of day to day life with this new little person can be surprising at first. Even experienced parents can be left reeling, especially if the child takes a while to settle in, or resists bonding at first.

The New York Times article "After... more