An issue that adoptive families often face when their children begin school is the dreaded family tree project. Typically a school will send home a request for family information so that each child can construct his or her own genealogy, or family tree.

When a child has been adopted domestically and knows or has contact with some of his birth family, many families choose to add the known birth family into the family tree, right along with the adoptive parents. Many parents of internationally adopted children, however, know nothing about the child's... more

I stumble out groggily to the living room, intent on coffee and few minutes of quiet email before breakfast. The 6 youngest are already up, watching kids' shows on PBS. When my (home from Ethiopia in August) 12 year old spots me, she says, "Mom-- fire!" and then turns her attention back to the TV.

I understand that she is not yet speaking in complete sentences, but her imperious tone grates on my tired self. "What?!?" I say in a disbelieving tone.

Still staring at the TV, she repeats herself. "Make fire! I'm cold." She curls her 12 year old self into a more comfortable ball in the recliner and tucks the pillows around herself.

"You need to be nice to mom. I think... more

Almost every parent has to come up with consequences when kids do not cooperate, and parents of newly arrived children are no exception. During the first couple months of homeschooling this year, we've dealt with our fair share of attitudes and non-compliance during school time, enough that my 15 year old son sagely observed, "The honeymoon ends a lot quicker when you're homeschooling, doesn't it?"

No kidding.

It is only natural that kids will test the limits in a new situation. That's what kids do. We are still working out the kinks in our own situation, and I am in no way implying that we... more

One of the things that I didn't give a lot of thought to before our girls came home was the issue of contact with family and friends. I assumed I'd be glad to have the girls keep in touch with any extended family, and I thought it would be neat if they could speak with friends on the phone from time to time.

When our girls got home, I was thrilled when they received their first call from a Layla House friend. Their faces glowed, and it was such fun to hear them chattering away in Amharic. What a great way to keep their language!

What I didn't fully comprehend was how many friends they have. Our phone was ringing nearly every day for them. Sometimes 2 or 3 kids would... more

I find that I am feeling constrained in my blogging lately. I could be sharing the blow-by-blow daily minutia of older-child adjustment, and there are times every day where I begin mentally composing a story. However I am very concerned that as I write I not take away my children’s dignity or their privacy. I certainly would not want everyone and their neighbor to know every time I descend into the pits of unhappiness, (yes, indeed I do at times.)

I fear that if I blogged everything about my girls there might be a time (not too distant from now) when they might get curious about the writing I do, and be embarrassed by what I have disclosed. Somehow it feels different to talk... more

When parents think of adopting older kids, they often feel sad at the realization that they will miss so much of the child's life. They won't get to see their first steps or hear their first words. However, I've discovered that 'firsts' are actually some of the neatest things about adopting older kids.

Yesterday we went to the fair with our whole crew, and our new girls had a day full of firsts. Of course there was the food. Blooming onions were a hit with the younger girl, but not the older. Both girls loved the snow cones. And once they got over the initial strangeness of cotton candy, they both loved that too.

We spent quite awhile in the small animal display,... more

You have three days before you travel to the other side of the world to bring home two school-aged girls who are total strangers, and yet they are your children. You exist in a whirl of things you need to do before you can finally leave. You're not only preparing for a trip halfway across the world but you're preparing to bring two children home!

There are too many things to do. There are things to do at home for your other children and their caregivers. There are things to buy, and never all at the same store. There are things to scrub, with each clean item bringing to mind another to scrub. There are things to bag and never enough bags. There are things to bring and luggage... more

Nesting in expectant moms is normal, but if you are planning an older child via adoption, prepare for turbo-nesting. At least that's what older child adoption has done for me! My girls are 9 and 11, and my case of nesting started innocently enough. I cleaned our girls’ room, bought them new pillows, repainted a dresser, washed and sorted clothes, and filled their dresser. Normal stuff.

But then I started imagining how our house might look to someone who'd never seen it before. Suddenly all I could see was cobwebs in rafters and weeds in flowerbeds. The woodpile looked like a giant had... more

Now that it is only a few weeks until we leave, I am feeling scatterbrained, alternately screamingly impatient to head off to get the girls, and frantically fearful that there is way too much still to do before we leave. I long to leave. Yet I am already dreading leaving our other children, even though I know we have good care planned and that they will be safe and have fun and be fine.

Yesterday we thought for awhile that we might be able to leave a week sooner than planned. And so I went through all the plans, starting to rearrange things, wondering if it would all work, before we realized that we just couldn't get 6 seats flying home with that short of notice. So we're back... more

The other day I got new pictures of our girls. One of the girls was wearing a pink floral jumper dress, with a brown paisley long-sleeved blouse over top. I know from walking the streets in Addis that this is a perfectly normal clothing combination in Addis. However it would be a little unusual here in America.

It immediately reminded me of conversations on our agency's email support group talking about newly arrived older children. Parents report that their girls are totally oblivious to American conventions of clothes matching. Some girls come up with combinations that are wild enough to earn them ridicule when they go to school.

And as for the boys-- well, they often... more