I've done a lot of thinking lately about kids who end up being adopted by a family in another country even though they have living relatives still in Ethiopia. Sometimes adoptive families feel so uncomfortable about that idea that they tell their agency that they want to adopt only 'true' orphans, kids who have no living family at all. That is certainly a legitimate choice, and I totally understand the feelings that lead families to make that choice.

However, I think that sometimes families do not fully understand how alone a child can be in the world even while in the care of a member of their extended family. Certainly there are uncles and grandparents who do a good job taking... more

A decade ago when John and I first began to seriously discuss adoption, it was not an easy decision. We had four children already, so it wasn't 'logical' to be talking about adding more. When we finally concluded we'd really like one more child, and decided that Korea was the best option at the time for our family, our next question was about the feelings of the child. How he would feel being the only adopted one, the one that didn't 'match'? Would it really be fair?

We decided that giving a child a chance at a home was better in the long run than not taking one child because we couldn't take two.... more

A mom wrote me recently telling me that she and her husband are in the early stages of the adoption process. She learned recently that a fair number of the children being adopted out of Ethiopia still have living birth parents. She asked me why the children are being relinquished, if one or both parents are still living. And she asked me if I thought that the increase in adoptions from Ethiopia is encouraging poor, but fit parents to relinquish their children.

These are some really big questions, and I certainly don't claim to have all the answers. I know that there are many, many true orphans who desperately need families. But I also think that there are many situations where... more

The majority of families who adopt from Ethiopia go into it knowing that they want to adopt a baby. But as families get to know other adoptive families, either in person or via internet support groups, many people come in contact with families who have adopted sibling groups. Some families know without a doubt that they aren't up for that particular adventure. But a certain number of people wonder: do we have what it takes to adopt a sibling group?

The answer to that question is very personal, of course. When deciding whether or not a sibling group is right for you, keep in mind that two or more children may rock your family boat harder and longer than one child will. Depending... more

As we waited for our newest daughters to come home, we did a lot of thinking about their names. Since they are older girls, we decided we'd really like to keep their Ethiopian names as their first names. After all, they've had the names for a decade each, more or less. It seemed rather presumptuous to bring them home and start immediately calling them something else.

However, we did think we might like to choose them each a middle name that is more Americanized, so that they might have another legal name to use at some point if they chose to. We tossed around lots of ideas. But again, since the girls are older, it really seemed like they should have input regarding even the... more

The vast majority of families adopting for the first time request a 'healthy' child. Any thoughtful person realizes that there are no guarantees in parenthood, whether the child is born to you or to a stranger. And yet adoptive parenting, with it's special needs checklists and the probing questions from social workers sometimes lets folk feel like they have more power to 'opt out' of special needs parenting than if they'd birthed a child with special needs themselves.

I read an article recently in the New York Times by a woman who had adopted... more

I got a question recently from a reader.

I'd like to hear from someone who has adult children living in the home who is also wanting to adopt an older child. I have this situation in my own home. I have 6 birth children ages 2-21. The princess of the family who also is 18 and graduating high school this month is not approving of the decision my husband and I have made to pursue adoption. We tried for a year or so to have another child on our own but at my age(41) I am becoming too old and after tons of testing it is confirmed that my old eggs probably won't produce another baby.

We want to parent another child. We don't care how it gets here. ... more

Recent rumors about Angelina Jolie claim that she is currently in the process of adopting a little boy from the Czech Republic. In the past I've shared that I'm a fan of Angelina. I’m all for adoption. I’m all for big families. And certainly she has the financial resources to pull this off. We'll see if there's any truth to the stories currently circulating. But if it's true, this adoption seems very close on the heels of the adoption of her son Pax from Vietnam.

Kids take time to settle into families. Preschoolers are especially challenging. They’re old enough to... more

My baby nephew arrived home on Saturday evening, escorted by his momma (my sister Rachel) and his auntie (my sister Sophie). He is a darling big-eyed six month old sprite-- I doubt if he weighs more than 13 pounds. Watching them walk past those security gates and into the waiting arms of family was awesome. My sister and her husband have three older bio children, and it was very sweet indeed to see everyone greeting the newest family member. It was the culmination of months of paperwork and prayer and waiting and worrying.

Thoughts of that moment of homecoming are part of what keeps us adoptive parents pushing through the ridiculous amount of red tape and shelling out the ridiculous... more

A post over on the Transracial blog about the hard parts of adoption got me thinking about the 'hard parts' of adopting from Ethiopia. I wrote awhile back that my husband and I decided to go forward with another adoption sometime later this year. Well, things have changed. We have identified a sibling group in Ethiopia that we are interested in. I’ll share details later after I know for sure that they will be ours. But learning about these children has sent us neck-deep into adoption paperwork again. And today, one short week into the adoption process, I'm already remembering just how hard this... more