Often when you are helping a new child settle into your family, you will encounter a lot of negativity. You say up. The kid says down. You suggest the red shirt. He prefers the green one-- the one with the hole in it. You remind the child he liked a dish last time you served it. He swears it is the worst poison known to man.

Eventually with consistent, steady consequences for misbehavior and lots of love, opposition does mellow out and kids do heal. However, at the height of the challenging behavior it can be extremely challenging to show smiling eyes and loving actions towards a child who... more

I've been trying to figure out exactly what parts were the hardest during our first months home with older children. A friend told my husband, "Well, of course you're tired-- you just had twins! They're just 9 and 12." I really appreciated that validation -- no wonder I'd been feeling so frazzled.

For us, the first month wasn't too tough. I was fresh, psyched to give the kids some leeway when it came to behavior, and their ups and downs weren’t as extreme. But by the time month two and month three rolled around, the kids weren't trying to impress us anymore, and their emotions were all over... more

Awhile back I found an excellent article talking about the issues adopted kids face in classroom settings, and the difficulty they sometimes have completing projects about their families.

Creating a Classroom for Adopted and Non-Adopted Children is from the September 2006issue of RainbowKids magazine and was written by Elizabeth Hunt.

"I hear this story all the time," says Adam Pertman of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute in New York. "A teacher gives a family tree assignment, and she tries to be sensitive telling Johnny, who was adopted, 'You can choose... more

I have wondered how it would feel to bring older children into our home-- how long it would take for them not to be strangers. Would they smell different? Would they charm me immediately or would acting loving be simply a decision for awhile? Many adoptive parents discover to their surprise that love does not come instantly-- I had faced this dilemma once myself and know it is a normal thing, and one that can be overcome. And yet it feels so much better when you fall in love right away.

The first time I saw the girls was amazing. Our coming together was emotional and warm and felt so right.... more

When we bring new children into our family, one of the things we most want is for them to feel like family, to settle in and have a sense of belonging. One really great way to foster that sense of belonging is through family traditions.

Traditions can be big or little. One of our most treasured family traditions is breakfast in bed for the birthday girl or boy. The birthday kid gets to choose the breakfast menu that morning, which isn’t always exactly on the birthday, but is always on a morning that the whole family is home. The birthday kid gets to sleep in while everyone else scurries around getting breakfast prepared.

... more

Things are going pretty decently here, all things considered. The kids are fed and clothed and regularly hugged and we're taking walks and playing Dutch Blitz (was there ever a better game for the impatient sort like me??) and eating chocolate. And on a daily basis we're getting smiles and hugs and chatter (increasingly in English) from our new girls.

I keep hoping they are feeling like Peter at the beginning of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe where after surveying the Professor's house, he told his siblings, "We've fallen on our feet and no mistake...."

Of course I am sure there must be moments (hours?) when the non-stop English and the cheesy casseroles... more

How do you write a letter to a child you’ve never met? A child who is going to come into your family deserves more than the dry facts you'd share with a 4th grade pen pal. And yet what do you say?

If you mention the swimming pool in the back yard, will she imagine the pool at the Hilton instead of what's stacked in heaps in front of Walmart every May?

If you talk about the room she will share with two sisters, will she wonder why on earth you decided to adopt her if she couldn’t have a room of her own?

If you mention home schooling, will she worry that your... more

Now that my husband and I are planning an older child adoption, we've found ourselves wondering just how those first days and weeks home with virtual strangers will feel. What is the best way to ease older children into their new family? How can we encourage bonding?

Affection

We've had lots of discussions and have come up with at least a short list of ideas. First of all, as I've discussed regarding younger children, we intend to begin as we will continue. We'll hug and kiss them right from the start, even if it feels a little awkward. Shoulder bumps, tickling, and mini-hugs are part of our plan. Keep it brief and keep it playful, especially if the children... more

I found an interesting idea over at KuddleKids.com. (The formatting of the site is wonky in my browser, making it difficult to read, but there are some good ideas there.) The idea that caught my attention most was the "I Owe You...".

Every parent has times when kids seem to deliberately ignore your requests. They'll 'forget' to take out the trash, even though they've been reminded three times that hour, or they'll once again interrupt in the middle of a conversation- for the fourth time in five minutes.

KuddleKids suggests when you're dealing with that repetitive deliberate misbehavior that... more

One of the things I want to do with each of our adopted children is to take them on a homeland visit to see the country where they were born. We are hoping that we'll be able to do this when our kids are between the ages of 10 and 13 or so. Our Korean boys both turn nine this spring, and I've been thinking that maybe 2008 or 2009 would work for a trip back to see Korea.

How Old Should Kids Be?

Adoptive Families magazine had an excellent article on homeland visits recently and here is what... more