Dear Angelina,

You and I just missed each other in Ethiopia in the summer of 2005. I left Ethiopia with my Bisunesh about three weeks before you got there to pick up your Zahara. Like a gazillion other adoptive moms, I've been fascinated to read the blow-by-blow accounts of your adoptions.

I know that you and I are different in a hundred ways, but when I see you trekking around town with one of your babies in a sling, I feel like we have a kinship. I've been thinking about this latest adoption of yours-- your sweet little Pax who's had to wait so long for a mom. Every kid should have a mom, and I am glad he finally has one.

Whenever I see pictures of you, you're... more

Part One

Part Two

Emotions: During the first month (& even a bit into the second month), our older daughter was regularly not choosing/preferring us & pretty consistently refusing affection & eye contact. This process has been amazing to watch, because it was SO awful at the beginning & is so wonderful now, but living through those months was really difficult because even though I read all the required stuff, I imagined it happening differently.

Seeing little... more

Part One

Bedtime/bath/getting dressed: For our girls these were very intimate, family type experiences & they were completely terrified & traumatized that we (strangers) would want to invade their space. They screamed with terror when we tried to undress them. Copying each other was very common for these early weeks. We never actually did give them a bath in Ethiopia & had Eskedar dress them the day we left.

At bedtime they screamed until they fell asleep in our arms. Once in the US they finally got used to being bathed & dressed by the end of the first week.... more

I got a really great email in response to this post. In it, Sonya shared a letter she'd written to other adoptive families describing the first few months home after adopting two preschoolers. It is full of so many good specific details about new-child adjustment that I asked permission to share it here.

We have three bio kids (7, 9, 11) & brought home our two delightful sweeties (age 3 1/2 & 1 1/2) in early December. So we have been home about 12 weeks.I'm not sure we knew what to expect as we flew to Ethiopia to pick up these precious... more

Hopefully this week of sharing by adoptive families has not scared the liver out of anyone. From reading years of posts on several adoptive parenting e-groups, I know that the stories shared are a pretty fair representation of the scope and type of issues that many parents of new children face. Some kids will be more challenging, others less.

Most every kid will give you some moments where you'll probably think, Holy smokes, what have we done? But over and over again, while sharing the challenges of the first 6 months or so, parents will add that all the work and all the struggle was worth... more

Today's story was written by Brian, who blogs at On the Fly.

In the adoption mantra “Plan for the worse, hope for the best,” I think we lucked out on the best side of the equation. Personally, I think that there are a lot of people out there with positive adoption stories; it just doesn’t make for an interesting read and/or those people don’t need to seek out help on the internet.

Bonding We adopted our 3 1/2 year old son and our 5 year old daughter at the end of last April. We started attachment “therapy” as soon as we met the kids. I think they were well prepared to join... more

Randi graciously agreed to share their story of her children's adjustment.

We're at 10 months with Rebka-7 and Hana-now 3 and we are so very pleased with things. The first few months were rough but that was mostly everyone getting used to their place and the new dynamic. Rebka and Hana both tested in their ways, but things are settled now and I'm pretty impressed with their adjustment. I wonder if Hana adjusted better and easier because she had a sister with whom she could share the process.

At 10 months home, Hana is an extremely smart, funny, cute child. She turned 3 in August. She can count to 20, sight read about 30 words! She can dress and undress... more

Here's a story from Elizabeth who adopted an almost 5 year old girl.

I know that every child's adjustments are different, but our Hana had a really difficult time. Particularly, I feel she knew just enough to be angry at her father for "leaving her" but is still too young to 1. understand the real curcumstances going on, and 2. to have the emotional maturity to handle the pain and confusion of all the changes.

Just at the time in a person's life when there is experimentation with independence and self control, everything was completely out of her control. As a result, any situation where she needed to relinquish control such as being seat belted on the plane... more

This week I will be sharing stories from various families who were kind enough to share what their three to six year old's adjustment into the family was like. Some stories are brief. Others will take several posts to share. But all are helpful in giving you an idea what it is like to bring home a child past the age of two.

First up is Sharon, mother of eight adopted children, all of whom came home in the three to six year old age range. I've linked you to her blog http://www.heartsofhopeadoption.blogspot.com/ in... more

This evening I was lying in my 3 year old's bed, helping her get settled in for the night. I told her it was almost time for me to go and she did her usual fussing, trying to keep me just a few minutes longer. Finally, she said in tones of frustration, "But, Mom, I have a terrible sickness on me!"

Through giggles (mine) and a few tummy-tickles (both of us) I managed to make her admit that she wasn't really sick after all. Finally she was tucked in for the night, and I could slip away, with the promise that I would peek in on her in awhile.

Seems like a commonplace interaction, but it took us two years to get to this point-- the point where I could walk away with her... more